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In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.12

In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 12
In recent decades, many statistics have revealed the increased number of fatal gun shootings. Indeed, to my mind, this is now convincing evidence that these incidents occur because of guns possession at home by individuals. In this essay, I shall examine how government laws and people’s violent mind set encourages this action. To begin with, laws allow easier possession of guns enforced by the governments pave the way for the burgeoning number of murders happen due to shootings. This is because, in a developed society, it is not uncommon to hold guns to ensure the security by the individuals. For example, in the US, Federal government’s laws allow individuals to possess firearms and this widely stimulates anti-social elements to involve in anti-social activities. Such laws clearly encourage people to kill others with the help of guns and result in soaring gun shootings. Secondly, increased violent mind sets of individuals enable them to react harmfully in the society that causes detrimental effects. This is because violent related video games nowadays enable teenagers as well as adults to react dangerously and commit crimes mainly with weapons such as guns that cause mass destruction to humankind. For example, in Grand Theft Auto, a popular video game in the US, have destroyed the mind set of people who addicted to it to commit serious murders blindly with the absence of moral thinking ability. Therefore, it is certainly the case that negative mind sets improve the number of shootings. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion that holding guns at home increase fatal gun shootings. In the future, we will certainly see the society with large number of shooting incidents if laws and people mind sets are not modified for the welfare of the society.
In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
statistics have revealed the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shootings
.
Indeed
, to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convincing evidence that these incidents occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
possession at home by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. In this essay, I shall examine how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
set encourages this action.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
easier possession of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
enforced by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
pave the way for the burgeoning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of murders happen due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shootings
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it is not uncommon to hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
to ensure the security by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
For example
, in the US, Federal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to possess firearms and this
widely
stimulates anti-social elements to involve in anti-social activities. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
clearly
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to kill others with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
and result in soaring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
shootings.

Secondly
, increased violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
enable them to react
harmfully
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
that causes detrimental effects. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
violent related video games nowadays enable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as well
as adults to react
dangerously
and commit crimes
mainly
with weapons such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
that cause mass destruction to humankind.
For example
, in Grand Theft Auto, a popular video game in the US, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who addicted to it to commit serious murders
blindly
with the absence of moral thinking ability.
Therefore
, it is
certainly
the case that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
sets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of shootings.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home increase fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shootings
. In the future, we will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
incidents if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
sets are not modified for the welfare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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