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There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they prov v.5

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they prov v. 5
Targeted advertisement on children has become a substantial concern for parents as they opine that this cause a stress on young minds. Contrarily, it is said that commercials are a source of information. These both views will be discussed in detail in below paragraph, however, my beliefs are certainly in favor of later opinion. On the one hand, guardians believe that children minds are corrupted by focused product publicity. This is because of the reason that puerile thinking can easily be diverted towards purchasing of products through illustrious presentation. For instance, fashionable and trendy clothes and beauty products are constantly advertised by hiring young models which are taken as inspiration by adolescence. This marketing strategy cause serious consequences such as overwhelming feeling of suppression faced by teenagers to consolidate the imaginary societal demands. Furthermore, tempting items are usually highly priced which are not affordable by many. This trend cause inferiority complex and sometimes becomes the reason behind delinquency. On the other hand, advertisements display myriad of product options available in market which is a tremendous source of awareness. Take the example of Windows, through commercials on social media, on which major users are teenagers, provided the opportunity to experience formidable advancements in technology. This style of dissemination of cognition is highly appreciated on many forums. Additionally, without these promotions, no one would have knowledge of items and the options available in different aspects such as price and quality. In conclusion, although advertisement relating children products can cause problems such as mental stress, but are certainly eclipsed by the benefits achieved in the form of awareness.
Targeted advertisement on children has become a substantial concern for parents as they opine that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on young minds.
Contrarily
, it
is said
that commercials are a source of information. These both views will
be discussed
in detail in below paragraph,
however
, my beliefs are
certainly
in favor of later opinion.

On the one hand, guardians believe that children minds
are corrupted
by focused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
publicity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reason that puerile thinking can
easily
be diverted
towards purchasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through illustrious presentation.
For instance
, fashionable and trendy clothes and beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
constantly
advertised by hiring young models which
are taken
as inspiration by adolescence. This marketing strategy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
serious consequences such as overwhelming feeling of suppression faced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to consolidate the imaginary societal demands.
Furthermore
, tempting items are
usually
highly
priced which are not affordable by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. This trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
inferiority complex and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
becomes the reason behind delinquency.

On the other hand
, advertisements display myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
options available in market which is a tremendous source of awareness. Take the example of Windows, through commercials on social media, on which major users are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, provided the opportunity to experience formidable advancements in technology. This style of dissemination of cognition is
highly
appreciated on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forums.
Additionally
, without these promotions, no one would have knowledge of items and the options available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects such as price and quality.

In conclusion
, although advertisement relating children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
problems such as mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
certainly
eclipsed by the benefits achieved in the form of awareness.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS essay There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they prov v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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