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Some people say that when children under 18 are committing a crime they should be punished while others believe they should be educated To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your own opinion v.2

Some people say that when children under 18 are committing a crime they should be punished while others believe they should be educated with this statement Give your own opinion v. 2
Across the globe, there has been an increased number of crimes committed by minors. A group of people feel that the children who commit crimes must be put before the law while some people opine that they should be given proper education to prevent the same crime again. Indeed, to my mind, there is now convincing evidence that children who involve in anti-social activities must be rewarded both with prison sentences and education. In this essay, I shall examine to what extent prison and education help the society as well as the respective children. Firstly, the punishments in the form of prison to young people who offend promotes the social security to a great extent. This is because, in a society, awarding an imprisonment to offenders minimizes the fear of safety and security to citizens, as most young minds would not commit crimes by knowing the consequences later. For example, in the People’s Republic of China, since the legislation allows juveniles to be punished even with a death sentence by considering the nature of the crime, the crime rate of minors is considerably less. Therefore, for a safer environment, it is inevitable to punish the juveniles for the crimes. Secondly, providing education to juvenile offenders than punishing discourages them to repeat the crimes again. This can be seen from the fact that, if the minors who do not have the requisite knowledge and maturity to act as per the law are educated with moral lessons and ethics to lead a better life in the society, they can be refined in a right path in their lives. For example, in India, legislation put young criminals in a reformatory cell which teaches lessons to obey the laws and positive thinking abilities, and this substantially reduces the criminal activities by juveniles in India according to a recent statistics produced by Indian Crime Investigation Bureau. Therefore, young minds are provided with proper guidance to avoid committing the crimes the second time. In conclusion, there are undeniable evidences that both imprisonment and education aid for the safer society to live in. Given the strength of these evidences, in the future, more legislation needs to be put in place to limit child offenders.
Across the globe, there has been an increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by minors. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the law while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.
Indeed
, to my mind, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convincing evidence that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
involve in anti-social activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be rewarded
both with prison sentences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In this essay, I shall examine to what extent prison and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
as the respective children.

Firstly
, the punishments in the form of prison to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
offend promotes the social security to a great extent. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, awarding an imprisonment to offenders minimizes the fear of safety and security to citizens, as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds would not commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by knowing the consequences later.
For example
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
Republic of China, since the legislation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
to
be punished
even with a death sentence by considering the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate of minors is
considerably
less.
Therefore
, for a safer environment, it is inevitable to punish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
for the crimes.

Secondly
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
offenders than punishing discourages them to repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the fact that, if the minors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have the requisite knowledge and maturity to act as per the law
are educated
with moral lessons and ethics to lead a better life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they can
be refined
in a right path in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, in India, legislation put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
criminals in a reformatory cell which teaches lessons to obey the laws and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking abilities, and this
substantially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the criminal activities by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
in India according to a recent statistics produced by Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
Investigation Bureau.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds
are provided
with proper guidance to avoid committing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
the second time.

In conclusion
, there are undeniable evidences that both imprisonment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aid for the safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the strength of these evidences, in the future, more legislation needs to
be put
in place to limit child offenders.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people say that when children under 18 are committing a crime they should be punished while others believe they should be educated with this statement Give your own opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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