Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they prov v.2

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they prov v. 2
When person joins a company, little does he knows whether he will work long-term with a company or he will switch the job for wider prospects outside. It is rather a perplexing situation. Both the views have its advantages which will be analysed below, followed by my opinion and reasoned conclusion. To begin with, People who like to stick with a particular firm values job security and loyalty the most. This is because they feel a sense of belongingness towards their company and like to give everything to it. Also, when they work harder, their prospect of promotion increases and they jump the career ladder rather quickly which ultimately leads to better job satisfaction? Also, employers value their contribution and they are showered with incentives and perks such as lifelong pension and lump-sum gratuity when they retire. However, Working with same company leads to a monotonous life for employees and sometimes a person become disillusioned as well. His skills become obsolete and he will always fread to face challenges. He will not like to experiment and undertake any sort of risks and will perish in cut-throat completion. Hence moving from one job to another guarantees wider skills and person becomes better equipped with changes. His social network increases, which ultimately boost his confidence as well. For instance, 2016 labour law study of India shows that employees who keep on switching their jobs are better equipped to face any economic crises like recession, as they can adjust themselves in any odd jobs. To conclude, although there are many appealing reasons to remain with a particular job as it will benefit both the employer and employees. But, In my opinion, it is more valuable to keep on experimenting with jobs as a person will gather a lot of information and skills and hence he will be better equipped to deal with any unforeseen critical situations in the long run.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
does he
Did you mean "know"? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
knows
whether he will work long-term with a
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company or
he will switch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for wider prospects outside. It is
rather
a perplexing situation. Both the views have its advantages which will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
below, followed by my opinion and reasoned conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who like to stick with a particular firm values
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security and loyalty the most. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel a sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
belongingness
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and like to give everything to it.
Also
, when they work harder, their prospect of promotion
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increases and
they jump the career ladder
rather
quickly
which
ultimately
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction?
Also
, employers value their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
contribution and
they
are showered
with incentives and perks such as lifelong pension and lump-sum gratuity when they retire.

However
, Working with same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
leads to a monotonous life for employees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
become disillusioned
as well
. His
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
obsolete and
he will always
Possible spelling mistake found.
fread
to face challenges. He will not like to experiment and undertake any sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and will perish in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat completion.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
moving from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another guarantees wider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
equipped with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. His social network increases, which
ultimately
boost his confidence
as well
.
For instance
, 2016
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
law study of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on switching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
equipped to face any economic crises like recession, as they can adjust themselves in any odd jobs.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
appealing reasons to remain with a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as it will benefit both the employer and employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, In my opinion, it is more valuable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on experimenting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
hence
he will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
equipped to deal with any unforeseen critical situations in the long run.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they prov v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts