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Problem Today s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Problem Today s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today with this statement v. 1
The curriculum today has change over the past decade and some people are insisting that schools should have a subject that will teach the student how to properly handle money in order to survive. I, for one strongly agree with the statement because this will surely make them realize the vital importance of spending money. To start with, schools should include one of their subject in teaching their students how to become responsible with their finances. In this particular subject, teachers and professors should inculcate to students the significance of budgeting and saving money that can be use in times of emergency. If this will be taught, consequently, it will not just help them organize their finances, also they can think maturely since they already have ideas on how to properly spend money. For instance, writing down their overall expenses everyday in a planner, students can contemplate if money spent the entire day went to essential things. Moreover, if schools include financial literacy subject to their syllabus, there will be an enormous change on how adolescents spends the hard earn money coming from their guardians. In this way, instead of asking allowance always, they can easily get it from their savings especially if a sudden project needs contribution of money. In addition, they will learn to separate important and nonsense things once they know how their parents work hard in order for them to have money everyday for school. For instance, students that are studying in a different place away from their home, they can learn to properly budget their allowance with the help of this kind of subject. Once this lessons are instilled to students way of thinking, they will think hundred times and weigh first if they will spend money over material things or save it and use it for a better cause. In conclusion, financial literacy is important to each and everyone and this should be taught at an early age so that students will learn how to become responsible on how they spend money wisely.
The curriculum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the past decade and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are insisting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that will teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
how to
properly
handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to survive. I, for one
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize the vital importance of spending money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should include one of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to become responsible with their finances. In this particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, teachers and professors should inculcate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the significance of budgeting and saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in times of emergency. If this will
be taught
,
consequently
, it will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them organize their finances,
also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
maturely
since they already have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on how to
properly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, writing down their
overall
expenses
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in a planner,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can contemplate if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent the entire day went to essential things.

Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
include financial literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to their syllabus, there will be an enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
on how adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
coming from their guardians. In this way,
instead
of asking allowance always, they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it from their savings
especially
if a sudden project needs contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In addition
, they will learn to separate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and nonsense things once they know how their parents work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order for them to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that are studying in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place away from their home, they can learn to
properly
budget their allowance with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. Once
Did you mean "these"?
this
lessons
are instilled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
way of thinking, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
times and weigh
first
if they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
over material things or save it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for a better cause.

In conclusion
, financial literacy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
and this should
be taught
at an early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn how to become responsible on how they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Problem Today s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today with this statement v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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