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There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and giveyour opinion v.3

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they provide useful information to children. 3
A high number of parents are concerned about the coercion put on their children by the growing amount of advertisement targeted at them to purchase playthings and light meals, while advertising companies allege that they give out needed information to children on these matters. The essay agrees with the parents that the influence is way too much nevertheless, the point raised by the advertisers will be considered. Nowadays, all over the media there is an influx of advertisement of toys and snacks. It is quite obvious that these commercials are mainly directed at youngsters coercing them to acquire toys and snacks that have been put up for purchase by the advertisers, giving the mothers and fathers of these little ones cause for worry. For instance, in the United States 80% of commercials on the television advertise miniature playthings and refreshments which are aimed at children. On the other hand, promoters of toys and snacks claim they give important news. There are different miniature playthings that are manufactured on a regular basis and also assorted gourmet of light meals churned out daily, which people would otherwise not be aware of in the absence of commercials. For example the radio broadcast association of New Jersey after a research discovered that 90% of goods in the market are popular as a consequence of ads. In Conclusion, Although there is an awareness of playthings and light meals in circulation put up by advertising companies. However, I agree with the view of the parents that the constant badgering of our media space with these products, only succeeds in placing undue influence on children.
A high number of parents
are concerned
about the coercion put on their children by the growing amount of advertisement targeted at them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
and light meals, while advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
allege that they give out needed information to children on these matters. The essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the parents that the influence is way too much
nevertheless
, the point raised by the advertisers will
be considered
.

Nowadays, all over the media there is an influx of
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
toys and snacks. It is quite obvious that these commercials are
mainly
directed at youngsters coercing them to acquire toys and snacks that have
been put
up for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
by the advertisers, giving the mothers and fathers of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones cause for worry.
For instance
, in the United States 80% of commercials on the television advertise miniature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
and refreshments which
are aimed
at children.

On the other hand
, promoters of toys and snacks claim they give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
news. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
miniature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
that
are manufactured
on a regular basis and
also
assorted gourmet of light meals churned out daily, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
otherwise
not be aware of in the absence of commercials.
For example
the radio broadcast association of New Jersey after
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
discovered that 90% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in the market are popular as a consequence of ads.

In Conclusion
, Although there is an awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
and light meals in circulation put up by advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view of the parents that the constant badgering of our media space with these products,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
succeeds in placing undue influence on children.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they provide useful information to children. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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