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There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. Write a letter to the manager of the sports centre. In your letter: • Describe what the problem with the changing rooms v.1

There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. Write a letter to the manager of the sports centre. In your letter: • Describe what the problem with the changing rooms v. 1
I disagree with the generic opinion of the public that every person is responsible for his own health and should not depend on the government to provide him medical benefits. In my essay, I would discuss the reasons why citizens cannot be always accountable for their health concerns and how government can aid in this regard. Firstly, in localities with poor sanitation and unhygienic surroundings, residents cannot be held accountable for their ailments. The immediate environment suppresses their immunity and self-care alone would not safeguard them from illnesses. Secondly, with the industrialization, the air and water contamination has given rise to several diseases in the neighbourhood, which is not controllable by any individual or a sect of the society. For example, from the Bhopal gas tragedy, people are still suffering from respiratory disorders, blame of which cannot be placed at the victim’s doorstep. As a reason, government needs to ensure health care subsidies, to improve its citizen’s well-being. Primarily, health care is not a priority to lower sections of the social order, providing free medical care to such segments would encourage them to avail the services resulting in a healthy nation. For example, India with more than 30% below the poverty line, the absence of free health aids would put the country in major crisis. Similarly, free health care can also help the country’s administration to control epidemics. If not free, the poor wouldn’t approach a medical facility for regular checks, such evasion would increase casualties during any contagion and national economy fall drastically. To sum up, it is true that one’s health is his own hands, but in today’s world external factors have a significant effect on one’s well-being. Therefore, in countries with socialistic views, free health care should be given to the needy, while insisting on the stipulation personal hygiene and addictions free lifestyle.
I disagree with the generic opinion of the public that every person is responsible for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and should not depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide him medical benefits. In my essay, I would discuss the reasons why citizens cannot be always accountable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concerns and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can aid in this regard.

Firstly
, in localities with poor sanitation and unhygienic surroundings, residents cannot
be held
accountable for their ailments. The immediate environment suppresses their immunity and self-care alone would not safeguard them from illnesses.
Secondly
, with the industrialization, the air and water contamination has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to several diseases in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, which is not controllable by any individual or a sect of the society.
For example
, from the Bhopal gas tragedy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
suffering from respiratory disorders, blame of which cannot
be placed
at the victim’s doorstep.

As a reason,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
subsidies, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its citizen’s well-being.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is not a priority to lower sections of the social order, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to such segments would encourage them to avail the services resulting in a healthy nation.
For example
, India with more than 30% below the poverty line, the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
aids would put the country in major crisis.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the country’s administration to control epidemics. If not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, the poor wouldn’t approach a medical facility for regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
, such evasion would increase casualties during any contagion and national economy fall
drastically
.

To sum up, it is true that one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world external factors have a significant effect on one’s well-being.
Therefore
, in countries with socialistic views,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the needy, while insisting on the stipulation personal hygiene and addictions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. Write a letter to the manager of the sports centre. In your letter: • Describe what the problem with the changing rooms v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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