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Everyone should follow a vegetarian diet because it is not necessary to eat meat to be healthy. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Everyone should follow a vegetarian diet because it is not necessary to eat meat to be healthy. v. 1
School subjects have evolved along two lines: academic and extracurricular. Some people advocate that too much emphasis is placed on the former and that the balance of pupil’s timetables should gravitate towards extracurricular activities. I am inclined to agree; however, my support is with the stipulation that an imbalance in the other direction should be avoided. To commence with, such activities develop and stimulate an analytical mind for the youngsters. There is an abundance of evidence that these activities attract merits in future lives, as students are superb at shifting from a divergent mind set to a convergent style. Not only does this unique life skill stand out from the crowd, it also exercises the mind to resolve thorny issues. Besides, the offspring may discover hidden talents, all thanks to these extracurricular subjects. Because the uncovered beauties of stimulating subjects are numerous, the need to nurture the offspring towards this focus is clear. Additionally, the creativity integrated within the subjects can serve as a brain break following long hours of intensive studying on academic subjects. Research suggests that people crave interaction, which is what pupils should be complemented with, and may be fulfilled through the fields of the arts. Admittedly, a disturbing by-product may be the over consumption of time on subjects that are on the opposite end of the world. Nevertheless, the benefits on relevant subjects via these activities cannot be underestimated. In conclusion, however, it should be remembered that academic subjects should play a considerably central role throughout school life, and it is critical to maintain a balanced approach to maximize the knowledge of students. Engaging in the arts may be more beneficial to children than academic subjects, but can never wholly replace it.
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have evolved along two lines:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and extracurricular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that too much emphasis
is placed
on the former and that the balance of pupil’s timetables should gravitate towards extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I
am inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
;
however
, my support is with the stipulation that an imbalance in the other direction should
be avoided
.

To commence with, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
develop and stimulate an analytical mind for the youngsters. There is an abundance of evidence that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
attract merits in future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, as students are superb at shifting from a divergent mind set to a convergent style. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this unique life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
stand out from the crowd, it
also
exercises the mind to resolve thorny issues.
Besides
, the offspring may discover hidden talents, all thanks to these extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the uncovered beauties of stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are numerous, the need to nurture the offspring towards this focus is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

Additionally
, the creativity integrated within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can serve as a brain break following long hours of intensive studying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Research suggests that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
crave interaction, which is what pupils should
be complemented
with, and may
be fulfilled
through the fields of the arts.
Admittedly
, a disturbing by-product may be the over consumption of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are on the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the world.
Nevertheless
, the benefits on relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
via these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
cannot
be underestimated
.

In conclusion
,
however
, it should
be remembered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should play a
considerably
central role throughout school life, and it is critical to maintain a balanced approach to maximize the knowledge of students. Engaging in the arts may be more beneficial to children than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can never wholly replace it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Everyone should follow a vegetarian diet because it is not necessary to eat meat to be healthy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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