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There have been many inventions in human history, such as wheels. Some people think that Internet is the most important invention. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

There have been many inventions in human history, such as wheels. Some people think that Internet is the most important invention. v. 2
It is true that the eye-catching development of modern network technology is encouraging people to put more value on the Internet. Some people argue that the invention of this network is of most important. I firmly agree with the opinion. The appearance of the Internet is the most important invention because both individuals and companies have been deriving substantial benefits from it. First of all, the existence of this virtual network provides an innovative and rather appealing way for people. For instance, the search engines such as Google and Bing have started a great amount of knowledge in their database, attracting a large number of people to access it every day. In addition, the Internet has significantly improved the way modern businesses are conducted. This is because softwares like Skype and Google Duo have the capability of transmitting live video via the Internet, which effectively shorten the time needed to negotiate or sign an important contract, thereby improving the work efficiency. Admittedly, opponents of the above views may argue that the Internet also has some drawbacks that may eradicate its benefits. In particular, it is pointed out that the online communicating through the Internet tends to reduce the possibility for people to establish authentic relationships with others, which impairs the development of people’s social skills. Nevertheless, this argument could not be completely validated. For example, it has been proved that social networks like Facebook and Wechat enable us to contact with our friends without the limitation of distance and time. Without these online activities, our sense of intimation with our friends would not has been strengthened. Therefore, it is not reasonable to say the Internet is making people alienated. In conclusion, although the invention of the Internet does has some weaknesses, I am in support of the idea that it still is the most important invention in the world.
It is true that the eye-catching development of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
technology is encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to put more value on the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the invention of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
is of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion.

The appearance of the Internet is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
invention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have been deriving substantial benefits from it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the existence of this virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
provides an innovative and
rather
appealing way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the search engines such as Google and Bing have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a great amount of knowledge in their database, attracting
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access it every day.
In addition
, the Internet has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the way modern businesses
are conducted
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
like Skype and Google Duo have the capability of transmitting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
video via the Internet, which
effectively
shorten the time needed to negotiate or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
contract, thereby improving the work efficiency.

Admittedly
, opponents of the above views may argue that the Internet
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that may eradicate its benefits.
In particular
, it
is pointed
out that the online communicating through the Internet tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to establish authentic relationships with others, which impairs the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Nevertheless
, this argument could not be completely validated.
For example
, it has
been proved
that social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
like Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wechat
enable us to contact with our friends without the limitation of distance and time. Without these online activities, our sense of intimation with our friends would not
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
been strengthened
.
Therefore
, it is not reasonable to say the Internet is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
alienated.

In conclusion
, although the invention of the Internet does has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weaknesses, I am in support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it
still
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
invention in the world.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay There have been many inventions in human history, such as wheels. Some people think that Internet is the most important invention. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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