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There have been many inventions in the human history, such as the wheel. Some people think the most important thing is the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

There have been many inventions in the human history, such as the wheel. Some people think the most important thing is the internet. with this opinion? v. 1
It is universally believed that the Internet has so far been the most groundbreaking innovation that mankind has ever witnessed. While many people agree with this idea, I would contend that the invention of electric power is infinite more important than data network. On the one hand, it is understandable why some people subscribe to the idea that the Internet is the most significant thing that has ever been invented. The chief reason is that the Internet empowers a range of other creations that completely changes human lives. For example, Skype or Facebook, which rely on an Internet connection, allows individuals to interact with each other at a long distance almost immediately, thus reduce considerable cost on commuting, especially for people who study or work aboard. Besides, computer network also gives people a desirable chance to access a wealth of precious learning materials available on websites. The implication of this is that people become much more informed and well-educated than the time prior to the advent of the Internet. For instance, while people in the past had to rely on teachers or libraries in their education, they can now learn anything at anywhere as long as they have a device which accessed to the network. This is really convenient because even people are sitting at home, they can know the world situation just by a smartphone. On the other hand, despite the aforementioned advantages, I am convinced that electricity is the most important in the history of mankind for many reasons. First and foremost, without electric supply, other modern devices would be useless. Because nowadays, almost vital appliances such as TV, fans, air conditions operate properly due to the energy provision of power source. This shows how indispensable electric energy is in most things that humans create. Another main reason that fortifies electricity’s importance is the fact that it eschews outdated civilization in favour of modern ones. For example, the invention of light bulb in 19 centuries has changed absolutely the way people live. In the past, they used to scare when going to the road due to lack of light, but now they can freedom stroll around the street without hesitation. In conclusion, while the importance of the Internet is undeniable, I believe that electricity is at the core of every dominant invention in history.
It is
universally
believed that the Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far been the most groundbreaking innovation that mankind has ever witnessed. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I would contend that the invention of electric power is infinite more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than data network.

On the one hand, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the Internet is the most significant thing that has ever
been invented
. The chief reason is that the Internet empowers a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
creations that completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, Skype or Facebook, which rely on an Internet connection,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals to interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
at a long distance almost immediately,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
considerable cost on commuting,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who study or work aboard.
Besides
, computer network
also
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a desirable chance to access a wealth of precious learning materials available on websites. The implication of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become much more informed and well-educated than the time prior to the advent of the Internet.
For instance
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past had to rely on teachers or libraries in their education, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
learn anything at anywhere as long as they have a device which accessed to the network. This is
really
convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are sitting at home, they can know the world situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by a smartphone.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, despite the aforementioned advantages, I
am convinced
that electricity is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the history of mankind for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
First
and foremost, without electric supply,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
modern devices would be useless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays, almost vital appliances such as TV, fans, air conditions operate
properly
due to the energy provision of power source. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how indispensable electric energy is in most things that humans create. Another main reason that fortifies electricity’s importance is the fact that it eschews outdated civilization in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of modern ones.
For example
, the invention of light bulb in 19 centuries has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
absolutely
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. In the past, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to scare when going to the road due to lack of light,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they
The word 'freedom' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can freedom
stroll around the street without hesitation.

In conclusion
, while the importance of the Internet is undeniable, I believe that electricity is at the core of every dominant invention in history.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay There have been many inventions in the human history, such as the wheel. Some people think the most important thing is the internet. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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