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Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v.2

Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v. 2
It is true that the ever advance of modern tele-communication technology has been enabling people to access their phone whenever they want, where ever they are. Although this development possesses some objectionable features. I believe that there are more merits than drawbacks. Admittedly, allowing people to reach their phone at any time is associated with certain weakness. To begin with its negative impact on working effectiveness, as answering phone calls distract people’s attention from their works. Thereby jeopardising their working efficiency. If such development did not affect workers’ performances, it would not came up with rule that people have to turn off their phone when they are in conferences. In addition, answering phones momentarily threaten people’s safety. The increasing number of car accidents happened around the world played a vivid example here. It is pointed out that more than 20% of the accidents happened on the road is caused by answering personal phone calls when driving. Nevertheless, despite the disadvantages, it will bring more benefits to both individuals and society if people can pick up the phone call freely. First of all, this development provides people with a simultaneous communication format, which helps them strengthen the sense of intimation with their beloved ones. For instance, with the regular access to person phone, overseas students are able to contact with their parents living in other time zone no matter what time it is. Moreover, answering phone call at any time enables individuals to exchange timely messages so that they can keep in touch with the latest news and information related to their daily life, thereby improving the quality of their life. Furthermore, allowing people to response to their phone promotes the development of tele-communication industry, which provides a driving force for national economic growth. In conclusion, although allowing people to pick up their phone calls at any time does possess some drawbacks. I am support of the idea that its advantages overweigh disadvantages.
It is true that the ever advance of modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-communication
technology has been enabling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
whenever they want, where ever they are.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
objectionable features. I believe that there are more merits than drawbacks.

Admittedly
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is associated
with certain weakness. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on working effectiveness, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
answering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention from their works. Thereby
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardising' is British English.
jeopardising
their working efficiency. If such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
did not affect workers’ performances, it would not
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "come"
came
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
turn off their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
when they are in conferences.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
answering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
momentarily
threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
safety. The increasing number of car accidents happened around the world played a vivid example here. It
is pointed
out that more than 20% of the accidents happened on the road
is caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
answering
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
when driving.

Nevertheless
, despite the disadvantages, it will bring more benefits to both individuals and society if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pick up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
freely
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a simultaneous communication format, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them strengthen the sense of intimation with their beloved ones.
For instance
, with the regular access to person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, overseas students are able to contact with their parents living in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
zone no matter what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it is.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
answering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enables individuals to exchange timely messages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with the latest news and information related to their daily life, thereby improving the quality of their life.
Furthermore
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to response to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
promotes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-communication
industry, which provides a driving force for national economic growth.

In conclusion
, although allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pick up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
does possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. I am support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that its advantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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