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There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do you think they outweigh its benefits? v.12

There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do you think they outweigh its benefits? v. 12
It is about the relationship between mobile phones and social, medical and technical troubles. While cell phones can give rise to these problems, I hold a conviction that some benefits can outweigh these drawbacks. On the one hand, there are several potential problems associated with the use of telephones. As to medical field, telephones emit radio-frequency radiation, which is considered to cause hidden damage to humanity’s health, such as tumor growth and short-sightedness. Moreover, some social problems can stem from the use of this technological gadget. This is because people have a tendency to indulge in a virtual world and to be isolated from the real world. Take the kids, whose parents give them mobile phones with some animated applications as a convincing example. These intriguing devices can make their eye glued to and gradually become solitary children. Finally, the overuse of telephones makes people be technologically inclined, posing untold threats to people’s academic writing performance, because of their exploitation of unconstrained languages, such as slangs or jargons. On the other hand, I would argue that despite these downsides, they cannot be outweighed by considerable benefits reaped by the appreciate use of telephones. Firstly, telephones can facilitate communication between people. Considered as brilliant technological inventions, cell phones can supersede the traditional ways of interacting. For example, business people in different countries have a tendency to make a teleconference to save travel cost. In addition, cell phones also beneficial effects on medical field. The doctor can diagnose the patients’ conditions and give them a prescription in case the distance deters these invalids going to the medical center in person. In conclusion, although telephones cause some problems to users, it seems to be that the benefits of these technical gadgets still overwhelm the drawbacks.
It is about the relationship between mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and social,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and technical troubles. While cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can give rise to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I hold a conviction that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits can outweigh these drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are several potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
. As to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
field,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
emit radio-frequency radiation, which
is considered
to cause hidden damage to humanity’s health, such as tumor growth and
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can stem from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this technological gadget. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to indulge in a virtual world and to
be isolated
from the real world. Take the kids, whose parents give them mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animated applications as a convincing example. These intriguing devices can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their eye glued to and
gradually
become solitary children.
Finally
, the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be
technologically
inclined, posing untold threats to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
academic writing performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their exploitation of unconstrained languages, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
slangs
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
jargons
.

On the other hand
, I would argue that despite these downsides, they cannot
be outweighed
by considerable benefits reaped by
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'appreciate' is correct. If 'appreciate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the appreciate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
can facilitate communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Considered as brilliant technological inventions, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can supersede the traditional ways of interacting.
For example
, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a teleconference to save travel cost.
In addition
, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
also
beneficial effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
field. The doctor can diagnose the patients’ conditions and give them a prescription in case the distance deters these invalids going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
center in person.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to users, it seems to be that the benefits of these technical gadgets
still
overwhelm the drawbacks.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do you think they outweigh its benefits? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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