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There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits? v.2

There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits? v. 2
Across the world, especially the wealthier parts, the mobile phone has taken the place of telephone as an electronic telecommunication device, with the majority of the adult, teenager and even child owning one. As this technology has become rife, its drawbacks, which can be seen from social, medical and technical perspectives, deserve people’s greatest attention. Similar to many other hi-tech products, such as computers, mobile phones have detrimental effects on users’ health. For example, long-time heavy phone users seem to be more prone to certain types of cancers, although evidence to date is inconclusive. Another lethal health concern is the link between mobile phones and road accidents. It is argued that motorists have a much higher risk of collisions and losing control of the vehicle when driving and talking on the phone simultaneously, despite sometimes using hand-free systems. When the mobile phone has brought considerable convenience, people’s obsession with convenience has meanwhile caused enormous disturbance. That’s why the use of mobile phones has been prohibited in many public places, such as libraries, theatres, hospitals and even transports, such as trains, buses and aircrafts. Speaking at increased volume is considered impolite or even offensive. In schools, students are required to switch off cell phones before the class begins because mobile phones are responsible for a high amount of class disruptions. When its downside persists, the mobile phone has proven indispensable hi modern life. It is handheld, lightweight, portable and multi-functioned, allowing users to send text messages, exchange music files, make voice calls, browse internet, and so forth. Meanwhile, within twenty years, mobile phones are expected to be more pervasive as technical advances and mass manufacture will make them low-cost personal items. Given those factors, the mobile phone will continue to perform its role as a key social tool, by which one keeps in touch with others much more easily than did the generations before. As suggested above, the contribution of the mobile phone to the society is prominent and dependence on it for communication is an irreversible trend, although it has a number should be well handled.
Across the world,
especially
the wealthier parts, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has taken the place of telephone as an electronic telecommunication device, with the majority of the adult,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
and even child owning one. As this technology has become rife, its drawbacks, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from social, medical and technical perspectives, deserve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s greatest attention.

Similar to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other hi-tech products, such as computers, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have detrimental effects on users’ health.
For example
, long-time heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users seem to be more prone to certain types of cancers, although evidence to date is inconclusive. Another lethal health concern is the link between mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and road accidents. It
is argued
that motorists have a much higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of collisions and losing control of the vehicle when driving and talking on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
simultaneously
, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
using hand-free systems.

When the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has brought considerable convenience,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s obsession with convenience has meanwhile caused enormous disturbance. That’s why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has
been prohibited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public places, such as libraries,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, hospitals and even transports, such as trains, buses and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts
. Speaking at increased volume
is considered
impolite or even offensive. In schools, students
are required
to switch off cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are responsible for a high amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
disruptions.

When its downside persists, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has proven indispensable hi modern life. It is handheld, lightweight, portable and multi-functioned, allowing users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
text messages, exchange music files,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
voice calls, browse internet, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. Meanwhile, within twenty years, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be more pervasive as technical advances and mass manufacture will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them low-cost personal items.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
those factors, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
will continue to perform its role as a key social tool, by which one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
in touch with others much more
easily
than did the generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

As suggested above, the contribution of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to the society is prominent and dependence on it for communication is an irreversible trend, although it has a number should be well handled.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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