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There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits? v.3

There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits? v. 3
Using cellular phones have brought people tremendous convenience and efficiency. Admittedly, if misused or overused, it may cause some critical consequences in social, technical as well as health issues for users. However, I believe that the advantages and disadvantages of cellphones involve how we communicate with one another, information access, and learning potential. Let’s begin by looking at the advantage of the portable devices. One of the main positive of mobile device is multi-functioned, allowing users multiple tasks simultaneously. People could, for instance, call someone, download the video and surf the website simultaneously. In addition to this, the cell phone could be used for improving one’s fitness through some useful application that can help through different fitness routines. It is not only a call, entertainment or data transfer gadget. Furthermore, these act as a torch, a recording device, data storage, calculator, calendar, camera, and many other utility features. In short, the mobile phones are replacing many other types of equipment and emerging as a one-stop solution for many requirements. On the downside, mobile phones emit infrared rays, which directly affect the body part exposed to. According to Australian Health Research Institute, use of mobile phones can lead to ear, eye and brain cancer besides some other disorders like heart ailments. Moreover, it has been reported that some people have been injured due the technical problems of the phone itself. There have been cases where the battery of the phone had exploded when it was used to make phone calls, and it caused serious injuries to the user. Lastly, even though mobile banking is one of the facilities the device has provided us, it also has invited numerous data hacking incidents. Only last year, in Vietnam, more than 6, 200 cyber-attacks of mobile banking error due to cybercrime were reported. In conclusion, it is true that handheld phone technology has caused some problems for mankind, but I do believe that the mobile phone has assisted the human being in various ways, and it is the irresponsible act of humans themselves that has caused the problem.
Using cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have brought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tremendous convenience and efficiency.
Admittedly
, if misused or overused, it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical consequences in social, technical
as well
as health issues for users.
However
, I believe that the advantages and disadvantages of cellphones involve how we communicate with one another, information access, and learning potential.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the advantage of the portable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. One of the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is multi-functioned, allowing users multiple tasks
simultaneously
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
could,
for instance
, call someone, download the video and surf the website
simultaneously
.
In addition
to this, the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for improving one’s fitness through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful application that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fitness routines. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a call, entertainment or data transfer gadget.
Furthermore
, these act as a torch, a recording
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, data storage, calculator, calendar, camera, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other utility features. In short, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are replacing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other types of equipment and emerging as a one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
solution for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
requirements.

On the downside, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
emit infrared rays, which
directly
affect the body part exposed to. According to Australian Health Research Institute,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can lead to ear, eye and brain cancer
besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other disorders like heart ailments.
Moreover
, it has
been reported
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been injured
due the technical problems of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
itself. There have been cases where the battery of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
had exploded when it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls, and it caused serious injuries to the user.
Lastly
,
even though
mobile banking is one of the facilities the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
has provided us, it
also
has invited numerous data hacking incidents.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
last year, in Vietnam, more than 6, 200 cyber-attacks of mobile banking error due to cybercrime
were reported
.

In conclusion
, it is true that handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
technology has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do believe that the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has assisted the human being in various ways, and it is the irresponsible act of humans themselves that has caused the problem.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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