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Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this? Is it positive or negative development? v.6

Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this? Is it positive or negative development? v. 6
Recently, there is a trend among parents to push their children towards the highest achievements. The main reason of this trend is that we live in a highly competitive society and if a person does not have a good start, they can be left behind. In my opinion, it can be harmful as well as beneficial for children and depends on a balance; how hard adults push their youngsters towards success. The way of thinking of a modern society is that if someone is not on the top, they are not able to consider themselves worthy. That is the reason why adults are pressing their children to succeed. Probably, these people believe that if they did not influence their offspring in the childhood, they would not be happy and acknowledged in the adulthood. As far as fame and money is concerned, it is better to build a steady foundation from the early beginning than starting the way of building the future success only after the graduation. For instance, my parents did not force me to play piano and I had left musical school. At the moment, I have realized that it was a mistake because I have a talent. However, it is too late to start studying music all over again. Thus, from one side, it is a positive turn that parents encourage the youth to win and achieve the highest results. By doing this, they are helping them to create concrete base for the future lives. For instance, Maria Sharapova became a famous tennis player because her father pressured her to play and even took her to America in order to arrange the training under the best coaches. As well as positive outcome, too much pressure may be destructive for a child’s self-esteem. Some kids are not able to be resistant to adult’s attempts to make them ideal achievers. In fact, it is good idea to concentrate on the happiness of a child. As we know, a happy person can be considered as a successful person, while a successful one is not equal a happy one. In conclusion, the main reason why parents are pressing their children to be successful is that a modern society is putting pressure on every one due to competitiveness. After considering the issue, I believe that this tendency has positive as well as negative consequences.
Recently, there is a trend among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards the highest achievements. The main reason of this trend is that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
highly
competitive society and if a person does not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind. In my opinion, it can be harmful
as well
as beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and depends on a balance; how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
adults push their youngsters towards success.

The way of thinking of a modern society is that if someone is not on the top, they are not able to consider themselves worthy.
That is
the reason why adults are pressing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to succeed.
Probably
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if they did not influence their offspring in the childhood, they would not be happy and acknowledged in the adulthood. As far as fame and money
is concerned
, it is better to build a steady foundation from the early beginning than starting the way of building the future success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after the graduation.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not force me to play piano and I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
musical school. At the moment, I have realized that it was a mistake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have a talent.
However
, it is too late to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
studying music all over again.

Thus
, from one side, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
turn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage the youth to win and achieve the highest results. By doing this, they are helping them to create concrete base for the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, Maria
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sharapova
became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tennis player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her father pressured her to play and even took her to America in order to arrange the training under the best coaches.
As well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome, too much pressure may be destructive for a child’s self-esteem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kids are not able to be resistant to adult’s attempts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ideal achievers. In fact, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to concentrate on the happiness of a child. As we know, a happy person can
be considered
as a successful person, while a successful one is not equal a happy one.

In conclusion
, the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are pressing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful is that a modern society is putting pressure on every one due to competitiveness. After considering the issue, I believe that this tendency has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this? Is it positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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