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There are more and more negative news. Some think that would harm the individual and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

There are more and more negative news. Some think that would harm the individual and the society. v. 1
Media and its influence on the societies, has grown exponentially with the advance of technology. It had been noticed that media has more tendency to focus on problems and emergencies than positive development. There are specific reasons why media tends to highlight negative events, but in my opinion, it has more drawbacks than benefits. To begin, there is a logical rationale for why news reports always seem to be about some disastrous or emergency events. Firstly, mass media has the responsibility to cover emergency issues, such as natural disaster and environmental issues. As a result, it allows people to protect themselves from potential financial loss and physical injuries. Secondly, it plays a significant role in raising public awareness as to the current issues as well as their safety and carefulness. For example, by reporting fatal car accidents is an efficient way to educate the public to drive carefully when they are on the road. There is no doubt that knowing the truth of social problems is conducive to preventing them, the influence and drawbacks, however, should also be taken into consideration. Firstly, most of the news is tempered by adding negative elements in order to draw public attention. For example, the news reported on the television usually exposed many images or videos of violent scenes, it could affect people’s psychological state which leads to various negative emotions such as depression, anxiety. Further, more often than not news reports tend to swing one way or the other when it comes to the question of politics. As a result, most of their news stories are slanted in a certain way to swing public opinion towards one political party or others. In conclusion, although news reports related to problems and emergencies are being wide-spread, the public should filter and view the information reported more objectively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
and its influence on the societies, has grown
exponentially
with the advance of technology. It had
been noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has more tendency to focus on problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergencies
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. There are specific reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
tends to highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, it has more drawbacks than benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there is a logical rationale for why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reports always seem to be about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disastrous or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Firstly
, mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has the responsibility to cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
issues, such as natural disaster and environmental issues.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to protect themselves from potential financial loss and physical injuries.
Secondly
, it plays a significant role in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness as to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issues
as well
as their safety and carefulness.
For example
, by reporting fatal car accidents is an efficient way to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to drive
carefully
when they are on the road.

There is no doubt that knowing the truth of social problems is conducive to preventing them, the influence and drawbacks,
however
, should
also
be taken
into consideration.
Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is tempered
by adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
elements in order to draw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
attention.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reported on the television
usually
exposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
images or videos of violent scenes, it could affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s psychological state which leads to various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions such as depression, anxiety.
Further
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reports tend to swing one way or the other when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the question of politics.
As a result
, most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
stories
are slanted
in a certain way to swing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
opinion towards one political party or others.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reports related to problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergencies
are being wide-spread, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
should filter and view the information reported more
objectively
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay There are more and more negative news. Some think that would harm the individual and the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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