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news plays an important part of most people's live. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead? v.1

news plays an important part of most people's live. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead? v. 1
Improving globalisation has caused to mainstream all kinds of news in different societies. This essay will discuss the importance of news to the population, why the most of broadcasters edit bad news. And finally, should those merely focus on good news? First of all, with the increase in community, a wide range of innovations and chaos have taken part and thanks to newspapers the public can be aware of all of these alterations. Reading such facts from weekly, monthly newspapers could influence to the citizenry's lifestyle. For example, editing news in the world news section can prevent to spread other countries plus if this news is danger for humanity. Nevertheless, these are able to open up opportunities for people or government, like economic, cultural sections. However, the reason why the most of news agencies edit usually bad news may be related readerships and a region. Firstly, negative report attracts easily to the public's interests. For example, researchers showed that while individuals read newspaper to pay attention bad info rather than good news. For this reason, lots of broadcasters can gain profit form such news. Secondly, a region where usually happened awful accident like crime, theft or war. News agencies edit ordinarily such data and their solutions. Besides, it is obvious that, the people need positive news throughout bad news. Because, unless this type of news edit, individuals will be an only depressive or failure. Some of good news can encourage to the public for doing something provided that they become accurately. However, editing merely good news creates doubt that like information is incorrect. In conclusion, if broadcasters want to keep the importance of news, they must share an equal level of information. It is acceptable to edit neither only good news nor always bad news.
Improving
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has caused to mainstream all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
societies. This essay will discuss the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to the population, why the
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the broadcasters") or simply say "most broadcasters".
most of broadcasters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
edit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. And
finally
, should those
merely
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
news?

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, with the increase in community, a wide range of innovations and chaos have taken part and thanks to newspapers the public can be aware of all of these alterations. Reading such facts from weekly, monthly newspapers could influence to the citizenry's lifestyle.
For example
, editing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
section can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to spread other countries plus if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for humanity.

Nevertheless
, these are able to open up opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, like economic, cultural sections.

However
, the reason why the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
agencies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
edit
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
may
be related
readerships and a region.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
report attracts
easily
to the public's interests.
For example
, researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that while individuals read newspaper to pay attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
info
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For this reason
, lots of broadcasters can gain profit
Did you mean "from"?
form
such news.

Secondly
, a region where
usually
happened awful accident like crime, theft or war.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
agencies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
edit
ordinarily
such data and their solutions.

Besides
, it is obvious that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, unless this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
edit
, individuals will be an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depressive or failure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can encourage to the public for doing something provided that they become
accurately
.
However
, editing
merely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
creates doubt that like information is incorrect.

In conclusion
, if broadcasters want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
share an equal level of information. It is acceptable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
edit
neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
nor always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay news plays an important part of most people's live. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead? v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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