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There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. v.2

There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. v. 2
An act is considered a crime if its nature deviates from the prevailing laws though there are different aspects and types of crimes, I would like to brief up crimes which result in imprisonment. A person is imprisoned so that the living society is not harmed by his acts and also a chance that the inmate gets corrected. We see that prison certainly prevents crime but there are also certain better ways by which a person can be restrained from committing crimes. Firstly by maintaining a complete database of the doubtful citizens, this can be done by the police department because they possess the data of each and every individual and using this data his/her activities can be monitored and a close check can be kept on such suspicious persons. Secondly, counseling should be done to persons who are susceptible to commit crimes. There are many ways to prevent crimes apart from the above stated and they would certainly control the crime rate and correct the anti-social elements prevailing in our societies, for instance, a person commits robbery due to the want of money and if the victim opposes, the robber tries to harm the victim and steals the valuables. We see that general crimes are done due to hunger, want of money, poverty and unemployment. If the authorities have a check on the above-stated reasons and care is taken to check the situation of the person, no doubt then a majority of the crimes can be reduced. Apart from the above, there are certain crimes which are done in haste, these types of crimes can be controlled by delivering psychological counselling to such people and diverting their minds by inducing them to various other recreational activities like meditation, yoga and spiritual thinking etc. As far as my opinion is concerned it is good that a person should think twice before committing crime and such thoughts are to be inculcated into his mind and certainly there will be a drastic downfall in crime rate and subsequently reduction in state’s exchequer envisaged for handling prisons. But prisons are also necessary for handling heinous criminals and with prisons their effect on society can be controlled. There are many other ways to prevent crime but the need of such alternatives has to be debated on a broader scale before taking a decision.
An act
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
if its nature deviates from the prevailing laws though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects and types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I would like to brief up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which result in imprisonment. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is imprisoned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the living society is not harmed by his acts and
also
a chance that the inmate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
corrected.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
certain better ways by which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
be restrained
from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Firstly
by maintaining a complete database of the doubtful citizens, this can
be done
by the police department
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they possess the data of each and every individual and using this data his/her activities can
be monitored
and a close
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on such suspicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
Secondly
, counseling should
be done
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
who are susceptible to commit crimes.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
apart from the above
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stated and
they would
certainly
control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and correct the anti-social elements prevailing in our societies,
for instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
commits robbery due to the want of money and if the victim opposes, the robber tries to harm the victim and steals the valuables.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are done
due to hunger, want of money, poverty and unemployment. If the authorities have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the above-stated reasons and care
is taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the situation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, no doubt then a majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Apart from the above, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which
are done
in haste, these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can
be controlled
by delivering psychological counselling to such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and diverting their minds by inducing them to various other recreational activities like meditation, yoga and spiritual thinking etc.

As far as my opinion
is concerned
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and such thoughts are to
be inculcated
into his mind and
certainly
there will be a drastic downfall in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and
subsequently
reduction in state’s exchequer envisaged for handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
are
also
necessary for handling heinous criminals and with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
their effect on society can
be controlled
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the need of such alternatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be debated
on a broader scale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a decision.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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