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In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.2

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 2
It is certainly true that these days due to the advancements in the field of science and technology, most of the employers opt the fresh graduates to employ. However, aged people obviously have guts and accomplishments to climb the ladder of corporate hierarchy. It is high time, one must think of the experience and the positive outlook the elder people have towards any aspect. Nevertheless, there are apparent ways to solve it. To begin with, the main reasons could be the age factor, productivity, lowered work output, a way of thinking and mostly people over the age of 50 are usually Luddites. Today, all tasks primarily are being accomplished by using technology. Moreover, as the aged person generally may not be tech-savvy, this might be one possible reason for not recruiting them in good jobs. Furthermore, as a person becomes old, one would suffer from health implications which hinder the productivity at workplace. Nevertheless, it is undeniable fact that, some older people willingly do not want to work; they might want to spend their rest of the retired life with their children and grandchildren. Taking into considerations all the points it is clear why people over the age of 50 generally are not recruited in good jobs despite their experience. On the other hand, according to me, how much ever the technology develops, experience always stands ahead of the knowledge of novices. Hence, certain measures should be taken to address this moot issue. What I suggest is that the government can pay a crucial role by allotting employment allowances to the elder people. Next, the corporate companies perhaps, think to form an expert team comprising of aged people who could guide the younger employees to ensure the success of an organisation. To summarise, I believe that, there are several reasons behind this controversial issue and the possible consequences, but, by excluding these, the elder people should be given respect and a chance to prove their talent and experience.
It is
certainly
true that these days due to the advancements in the field of science and technology, most of the employers opt the fresh graduates to employ.
However
, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obviously
have guts and accomplishments to climb the ladder of corporate hierarchy. It is high time, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the experience and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have towards any aspect.
Nevertheless
, there are apparent ways to solve it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reasons could be the age factor, productivity, lowered work output, a way of thinking and
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the age of 50 are
usually
Luddites.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, all tasks
primarily
are
being accomplished
by using technology.
Moreover
, as the aged person
generally
may not be tech-savvy, this might be one possible reason for not recruiting them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs.
Furthermore
, as a person becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, one would suffer from health implications which hinder the productivity at workplace.
Nevertheless
, it is undeniable fact that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
willingly
do not want to work; they might want to spend their rest of the retired life with their children and grandchildren. Taking into considerations all the points it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the age of 50
generally
are not recruited in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs despite their experience.

On the other hand
, according to me, how much ever the technology develops, experience always stands ahead of the knowledge of novices.
Hence
, certain measures should
be taken
to address this moot issue. What I suggest is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can pay a crucial role by allotting employment allowances to the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Next
, the corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
perhaps,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to form an expert team
Did you mean "comprising" or "consisting of"?
comprising of
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who could guide the younger employees to ensure the success of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I believe that, there are several reasons behind this controversial issue and the possible consequences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, by excluding these, the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
respect and a chance to prove their talent and experience.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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