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There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society? v.1

Music has always played a significant role in the human lifestyle since the beginning of time. People listen to music for basically two reasons - entertainment and relaxation. Many people believe that a country’s traditional music is more important than the international music while the others, especially, the young generation, favour the latter one. In this essay, I shall explain why both of these music types are essential. We need music because it expresses our feelings in a harmonious way and can motivate and comfort us to a great extent. We listen to music because they are thoroughly entertaining and relaxing. Moreover, music decodes the joy, suffering and dream of the human race and can embody our tradition to preserve it for centuries. However, the type of music we love tends to differ from person to person and even from generation to generation. music can break the monotony of life, recharges our batteries and makes our favourite atmosphere in each second of living. However, there have been lots of debates about the importance of traditional music or international one, music is just a tasty matter and no measure can be taken to show the importance of different types of music. Put another way, people prefer to listen to their favourite list and choose something which can response to their needs. So anyone would be attracted to a kind of music composition, music genre or lyric and it’s not logically to encourage people to listen to a specific sort of music or opening which music is suitable and more important. To conclude, music is such a miracle which anyone can exploit it according to his feelings or character and no prescription can be written for people to cherish or listen to a style of music. People listen to what they like and it’s the reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has always played a significant role in the human lifestyle since the beginning of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for
basically
two reasons
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
entertainment and relaxation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a country’s traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while the others,
especially
, the young generation,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
the latter one. In this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
types are essential.

We need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it expresses our feelings in a harmonious way and can motivate and comfort us to a great extent. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
thoroughly
entertaining and relaxing.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
decodes the joy, suffering and dream of the human race and can embody our tradition to preserve it for centuries.
However
, the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
tends to differ from person to person and even from generation to generation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
music
can break the monotony of life, recharges our batteries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
atmosphere in each second of living.
However
, there have been lots of debates about the importance of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or international one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a tasty matter and no measure can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the importance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Put another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
list and choose something which can response to their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
anyone would
be attracted
to a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
composition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genre or
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lyric and
it’s not
logically
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to a specific sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or opening which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is suitable and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is such a miracle which anyone can exploit it according to his feelings or character and no prescription can
be written
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cherish or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to a style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to what they
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
like and
it’s the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
reality
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IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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