Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v.10

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 10
It is true that plenty of music genres have listened to most people in this world. I personally believe any music is necessary for life, both traditional or international music. However, international music generally tends to more famous these days. Analysing the role of music for people’s entertainment, as well as how popular international music in this era. Firstly, it is a fact that stress cannot be avoided by people when they are in life, hence every person on Earth has a concern that affects them become stressed. Furthermore, people extremely need pleasure to reduce it with music, for instance. According to current research, music has a vital role to decrease the pressure feeling, thus people who love to listen to music every day can solve their problems more rapidly than people who do not appeal to it. Music apparently helps the brain to not overwork and be more relaxed. Secondly, music is commonly obtained found anywhere, at least most people have listened to music once in their life. It has been known several types of music exist, yet some categorised it into two types, international and traditional. In addition, traditional music means it only found in a specific language and country. Nevertheless, international music is more general and the lyrics are English as a global language, which becomes the main reason for international music is youngsters’ favourite. Moreover, international music plays randomly through the radio or television, so many people have listened to it accidentally. Also, the singer of international music held the concert around the world for reaching their fans. Taking everything into consideration, I am totally certain that every music is crucial for making people to rest easier, also both traditional and international music is fine to be heard every day.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres have listened to most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this world. I
personally
believe any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary for life, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
generally
tends to more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
these days.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
entertainment,
as well
as how popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in this era.

Firstly
, it is a fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
cannot
be avoided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they are in life,
hence
every person on Earth has a concern that affects them become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
extremely
need pleasure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
for instance
. According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a vital role to decrease the pressure feeling,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
every day can solve their problems more
rapidly
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not appeal to it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the brain to not overwork and be more relaxed.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
commonly
obtained found anywhere, at least most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have listened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
once in their life. It has
been known
several types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
exist,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
it into two types,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
means it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
found in a specific language and country.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more general and the lyrics are English as a global language, which becomes the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is youngsters’
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays
randomly
through the radio or television,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have listened to it
accidentally
.
Also
, the singer of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
held the concert around the world for reaching their fans.

Taking everything into consideration, I am
totally
certain that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is crucial for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to rest easier,
also
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is fine to
be heard
every day.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts