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There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. v. 1
The reasons why a person stays with one company for a long time may be variable. Money is believed to be the main reason; however, I disagree with this because the working environment and effective teamwork are more important. Initially, working environment plays an essential role in affecting an employee’s motivation to work. The fact is that everyone spends one-third of a day at the workplace, so their expectation is to have a comfortable and encouraging environment to perform the tasks effectively. As a result, if the company has a toxic culture or the managers are bossy who ignore employees’ rights all the time, most of the staff will find a way to quit even though the salary is high. One survey in Canada revealed that in 2017, 25% of workers left their jobs because the bosses asked them to work in an unsafe environment. Additionally, another crucial factor for an employee’s loyalty with this company is effective teamwork. This is because at the workplace, employees need to communicate and collaborate with each other, which requires high connection among them. Consequently, the better the teamwork is, the more responsible an employee feels about his performance as well as the more engaged he is with this organization. For example, the report of Google showed that most of the employees stay with the company for a long time because they treasure teamwork in which they can learn from others and develop themselves. In conclusion, I personally believe most of the employees will take the organization’s working environment and effective teamwork instead of salary into consideration to ascertain their loyalty with the company.
The reasons why a person stays with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for a long time may be variable. Money
is believed
to be the main reason;
however
, I disagree with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Initially
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
plays an essential role in affecting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
motivation to work. The fact is that everyone spends one-third of a day at the workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their expectation is to have a comfortable and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
to perform the tasks
effectively
.
As a result
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has a toxic culture or the managers are bossy who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
rights all the time, most of the staff will find a way to quit
even though
the salary is high. One survey in Canada revealed that in 2017, 25% of workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the bosses asked them to work in an unsafe environment.

Additionally
, another crucial factor for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
loyalty with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at the workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
need to communicate and collaborate with each other, which requires high connection among them.
Consequently
, the better the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
is, the more responsible an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
feels about his performance
as well
as the more engaged he is with this organization.
For example
, the report of Google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they treasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
in which they can learn from others and develop themselves.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will take the organization’s working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
instead
of salary into consideration to ascertain their loyalty with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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