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There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. v. 2
Many argue that people stay for the prolonged period of time with the same organisation due to the monetary benefits, while others argue that there could be other factors as well. This essay totally agrees with that statement, as people might stay due to the favourable workplace environment and the flexibility at the work. The Predominant reason that people stay with the same company is its supportive work culture. In other words, it is often said that people do not leave companies, they leave bad managers. Whenever employees are happy with their managers and their colleagues in the workplace, they can feel relaxed as they know in need they will support him, this significantly boosts the employee retention with the organisation. For example, A survey was conducted at The Apple Inc. , For continuous 5 years, they found that, they were able to retain those employees who were satisfied with their managers and peers at work. Another reason is the policies and facilities provided by an employer. It is to say, that not only monetary benefits are looked up by employees, they also take into consideration the other benefits like number of leaves, work from home, and flexible timings. When an employee is only getting the monetary hike without such facilities, they do understand that, they are loosing such benefits. For example, My friend is working for the Infosys and she is working with them, since last 7 years, even though she has an offer of the much higher remuneration, she is not willing to leave them just because of the policy of no night shift for girls and the company provided transport facilities. In conclusion, The reasoning for staying with the same organisation is because of the money is not the correct idea. The factors of good working relations between them and their managers and colleagues and the other facilities offered by company plays a decisive role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay for the prolonged period of time with the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
due to the monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, while others argue that there could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
as well
. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might stay due to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
workplace environment and the flexibility at the work.

The Predominant reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is its supportive work culture. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
. Whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
and their colleagues in the workplace, they can feel relaxed as they know in need they will support him, this
significantly
boosts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
retention with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
For example
, A survey
was conducted
at The Apple Inc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
For continuous 5 years, they found that, they were able to retain those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who
were satisfied
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
and peers at work.

Another reason is the policies and facilities provided by an employer. It is to say, that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are looked
up by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, they
also
take into consideration the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
like number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
, work from home, and flexible timings. When an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
getting the monetary hike without such facilities, they do understand that, they are loosing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
For example
, My friend is working for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Infosys and
she is working with them, since last 7 years,
even though
she has an offer of the much higher remuneration, she is not willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the policy of no night shift for girls and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
provided transport facilities.

In conclusion
, The reasoning for staying with the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the money is not the correct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. The factors of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
working relations between them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
and colleagues and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
plays a decisive role.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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