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There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are benefits and drawbacks of this? v.2

There are many people who go to live in different countries. What are benefits and drawbacks of this? v. 2
In these modern days, everyone passionate about abroad and they wants to settle there. In my opinion, there are massive advantages for people allowed to move freely between countries and also for settlement. On the one hand, the number of benefits this statement. Firstly, people adapts to live alone and they may become more confident to achieve anything in life. In other words, the people, who are living in cities having more knowledge compared to the people, who are living in the rural. Secondly, the financial status is improved so that the person, who adapt to live in various nations know all the business strategies, which are the particular countries follow. Last but not least, learn more cultures and traditions and also enhanced our network and communication skills. It may lead to improved our daily life. For instance, in 2017, The Hindu Times reported that Visa applications have increased from 40% One the other hand, there are a few drawbacks of allowing people to go to different places. Sometimes people may difficult to adapt new environment and cultures. And it leads to effect their mental condition and easy to get some health issues. In addition, they may lose their own nation benefits like government facilities. Furthermore, sometimes it is very hard to live in well developed countries because of the expenses. For example, English countries, like USA follow strict rules about job visas and it lead to very hard to get into a job in those places. In conclusion, a lot of advantages for people, who live in different nations like for settlement for a lifetime and adapt to modern life. And it is also good for allowing people to live as per their desire.
In these modern days, everyone passionate about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abroad and
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
to settle there. In my opinion, there are massive advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
freely
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
also
for settlement.

On the one hand, the number of benefits this statement.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
adapts
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
alone and
they may become more confident to achieve anything in life.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are living in cities having more knowledge compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are living in the rural.
Secondly
, the financial status is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the person,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adapt
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in various nations know all the business strategies, which are the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
follow. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, learn more cultures and traditions and
also
enhanced our network and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It may lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our daily life.
For instance
, in 2017, The Hindu Times reported that Visa applications have increased from 40%

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, there are a few drawbacks of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adapt
new environment and cultures. And it leads to effect their mental condition and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues.
In addition
, they may lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation benefits like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
facilities.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the expenses.
For example
, English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
follow strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
about job visas and it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a job in those places.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations like for settlement for a lifetime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adapt
to modern life. And it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
as per their desire.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many people who go to live in different countries. What are benefits and drawbacks of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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