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More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay at home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay at home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. with this opinion? v. 1
We are living in an age of huge social and economic changes. Increasingly the fathers are staying at home with their children instead of their wives. I see this as a positive change rather than negative and I will discuss about it in this essay. Differently in the past, today women have another position in the society. It is possible to see women run a whole company, and as a protagonist and providers of their families. Thus, the men have the possibility to choose between working full time or staying at home with their children. Imagine a family in which the man earns a minimum wage and the woman has a bigger wage. It would be better to stay at home taking care of the children than to put them in a daycare, for example. The opposite is also true and when a couple decides to have a baby, together with this comes a financial issues and family planning. The family needs to decide what is more important. In a family, for example, which the couple, both love their jobs and they agree it is important to continue working and worth it, they should do what they want to, what is good for the whole family. Happiness and health parents take better of their kids. In short, I believe that is extremely important for children, generally, to have the maximum of contact with parents in early childhood. If it is possible for the family to have one of both at home with them during this period, it is better than nothing.
We are living in an age of huge social and economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Increasingly
the fathers are staying at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of their wives. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and I will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in this essay.

Differently
in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
women have another position in the society. It is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
women run a whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and as a protagonist and providers of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have the possibility to choose between working full time or staying at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Imagine a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
earns a minimum wage and the woman has a bigger wage. It would be better to stay at home taking care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than to put them in a daycare,
for example
.

The opposite is
also
true and when a couple decides to have a baby, together with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
a financial issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs to decide
what is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
for example
, which the couple, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to continue working and worth it, they should do what they want to, what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Happiness and health parents take better of their kids.

In short, I believe
that is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
generally
, to have the maximum of contact with parents in early childhood. If it is possible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to have one of both at home with them during this period, it is better than nothing.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay at home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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