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Write about the following topic. There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. v.1

There are many people who go to live in different countries. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? v. 1
In recent years, a large number of individuals and families have been relocated to new countires. In my opinion, I partially agree with this, and in this essaty, I will firstly discuss what are the advantages of moving freely, such as it may help humanity to develop faster, and secondly, I will illustrate what are the disadvantages of this, such as it can help spreading the crimes. On the one hand, moving freely has a tremendous advantages, such as helping our societies to develop better and faster. This is because it may allow smart individuals and inventors to move to countries that can support them. As a result, this can help in advancing our development in a large number of sectors, for example, the technology sector. A prime instance of this is a report from a local university in NY showed that more than 90% of the origins of IT companies' managers in the USA are from outside the country, such as India. Clearly, removing blockers between countries can help in developing their societies. On the other hand, countries without borders between them can have disaster impacts on our wolrd, such as helping the crimes to move easily. Many drug dealers and criminals can use this to establish new markets in new countries. This can lead these countries to suffer from their effects on the socitey, especially the young people. In addition, this will make a pressure on the country security departments while they are trying to keep the country safe. For instance, a research has been done by the University of Florida showed that borders' secutiry prevent hundredes of criminals from moving to the USA every month from Maxico. To clarify, borders is the first line that keeps our countries safe. To conclude, moving freely between countries has tremendous pros, such as moving brillient students; however, it also has dreadful cons, such as increasing the number of the crimes. I am convinced that we should keep the borders between the countries, and only allow the people who can help our humanity to move freely.
In recent years,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
individuals and families have
been relocated
to new
Possible spelling mistake found.
countires
. In my opinion, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this, and in this
Possible spelling mistake found.
essaty
, I will
firstly
discuss what are the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
, such as it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
humanity to develop faster, and
secondly
, I will illustrate what are the disadvantages of this, such as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to spread" or "spread".
spreading
the crimes.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
has a tremendous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "advantage"?
advantages
, such as helping our societies to develop better and faster. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
smart individuals and inventors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that can support them.
As a result
, this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in advancing our development in
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
sectors,
for example
, the technology sector. A prime instance of this is a report from a local university in NY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 90% of the origins of IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' managers in the USA are from outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, such as India.
Clearly
, removing blockers between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in developing their societies.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
without borders between them can have disaster impacts on our
Possible spelling mistake found.
wolrd
, such as helping the crimes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
drug dealers and criminals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this to establish new markets in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This can lead these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to suffer from their effects on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socitey
,
especially
the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
security departments while they are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
safe.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
has
been done
by the University of Florida
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that borders'
Possible spelling mistake found.
secutiry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "hundreds", the plural form of the noun 'hundred'?
hundredes
of criminals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to the USA every month from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maxico
. To clarify, borders is the
first
line that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
safe.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has tremendous pros, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
Possible spelling mistake found.
brillient
students;
however
, it
also
has dreadful cons, such as increasing the number of the crimes. I
am convinced
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the borders between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
our humanity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay There are many people who go to live in different countries. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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