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There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? v.1

There are many people who go to live in different countries. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? v. 1
Travelling to different countries might open up opportunities for both travellers and country. In my opinion, travelling between countries should be allowed with at utmost care. I would like to discuss both benefits and drawbacks in this essay. To begin with, countries should open opportunity for people who like to immigrate and live in the country. This is because people might be interested in multiple opportunities offered, such as jobs or businesses to build their career path. For instance, citizens' of developing countries like India are moving to developed countries like Canada or the USA for better quality of lifestyle and opportunities. In addition to that, some people require to migrate because of the economic or political problems within the country. For example, people of Syria need to move out of the country as a refugee due to war. On the other hand, huge number of migrants might cause a huge lose for the country. People who are highly skilled are require to fill jobs within the country might cause a huge impact on both economy and stability. To illustrate, doctors from Africa started to migrate as a refugee causing insufficient help to local people. Furthermore, people who immigrate should be thoroughly inspected as some people might be a threat to the nation, as they might involve in terrorism or other illicit activities. For instance, the USA immigration has strict rules imposed after the 9/11 terror attack causing hundreds of deaths. In conclusion, the government authorities of different countries should impose proper rules and regulations for immigration keeping the security of the nation in mind.
Travelling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
open up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for both
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion, travelling between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
with at utmost care. I would like to discuss both benefits and drawbacks in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to immigrate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be interested
in multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
offered, such as jobs or businesses to build their career path.
For instance
, citizens' of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India are moving to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Canada or the USA for better quality of lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
In addition
to that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require
Did you mean "migrating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to migrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the economic or political problems within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of Syria need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as a refugee due to war.

On the other hand
, huge number of migrants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause a huge lose for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are
highly
skilled are
Consider using a past participle here: "required".
require
Did you mean "filling"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to fill
jobs within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause a huge impact on both economy and stability. To illustrate, doctors from Africa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to migrate as a refugee causing insufficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who immigrate should be
thoroughly
inspected as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a threat to the nation, as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
involve in terrorism or other illicit activities.
For instance
, the USA immigration has strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
imposed after the 9/11 terror attack causing hundreds of deaths.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should impose proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations for immigration keeping the security of the nation in mind.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay There are many people who go to live in different countries. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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