Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v.4

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 4
Those seeking a job are now facing stiffer competition from the younger generation. This essay will suggest that the main problem this causes is higher poverty among older people, and propose lowering the retirement age as a possible solution. Increased competition from today’s youth has left many over 50s in poverty. If a young person and an old person apply for the same job, it is often the case that the younger individual will have more qualifications and may also be willing to work for less money, leaving many seniors without work and left behind. This results in many older people being left out of work, but still not eligible to draw a pension because they have not reached the age of retirement yet. For example, a recent survey showed that since the financial crisis in 2008, fuel and food poverty has increased by 82% amongst the aged. The most viable answer would be to drop the age of retirement. Most industrialised countries could afford to lower this from 65 to 60 for men and from 60 to 55 for women, thus allowing millions of people to simply retire and be looked after by the state. For instance, Finland recently decreased the retirement age for all government employees to free up more jobs for their graduates and this has not only resulted in fewer unemployed older people but also decreased youth unemployment by over half. In conclusion, the increased rivalry between young and old in the job market has resulted in the impoverishment of many of our older citizens and countries should consider reducing the age of retirement to solve this.
Those seeking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing stiffer competition from the younger generation. This essay will suggest that the main problem this causes is higher poverty among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and propose lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as a possible solution.

Increased competition from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youth has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
over 50s in poverty. If a young person and an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person apply for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the case that the younger individual will have more qualifications and may
also
be willing to work for less money, leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seniors without work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind. This results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out of work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
not eligible to draw a pension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not reached the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
yet
.
For example
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that since the financial crisis in 2008, fuel and food poverty has increased by 82%
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the aged.

The most viable answer would be to drop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. Most
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
countries could afford to lower this from 65 to 60 for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and from 60 to 55 for women,
thus
allowing millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
simply
retire and
be looked
after by the state.
For instance
, Finland recently decreased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employees to free up more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for their graduates and this has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
resulted in fewer unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
decreased youth unemployment by over half.

In conclusion
, the increased rivalry between young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market has resulted in the impoverishment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens and countries should consider reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
to solve this.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts