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1654 Describe a picnic or meal that you ate outdoors. You should sayWhere you had this mealWho was with youWhat you ate and drankAnd explain why you enjoyed this picnic or outdoor meal. v.1

1654 Describe a picnic or meal that you ate outdoors. You should sayWhere you had this mealWho was with youWhat you ate and drankAnd explain why you enjoyed this picnic or outdoor meal. v. 1
It is a true fact that with the advent of technology learning methods has undergone a drastic change in the education system globally. In this case, some people believe the use of computers in the education sector is welcoming while others have an opposite opinion about it. However, this essay will examine both sides of an argument before deducing a reasonable conclusion. Introduction to computers can bring in a lot of ill effects to the students. This will not only bring a detrimental effect physically on their eyes, but will also reduce the student teacher relationship. For instance, a lot of universities offering pre-recorded video lectures instead of live lectures. These arrangements cannot accommodate back and forth questions between teachers and students, leading to a learning difficulty. On the other hand, laptops have bought in a positive change in the way learning can happen. It provides powerful tools like Microsoft Excel and PowerPoint. For example, Microsoft Excel helps analysing the data in an efficient manner and PowerPoint helps presenting in the form of graphs, bar charts, etc. Computers also helps storing the past information in the digital form and can be extracted whenever required, which eradicates the need to store in the notebooks. These positive trends are increasingly becoming popular in various schools. In conclusion, computers have redefined the way learning can be inculcated, and in the future, it will play an even more prominent role. In my opinion, the increasing use of computers is a positive phenomenon rather than it is becoming a negative trend.
It is a true fact that with the advent of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
methods has undergone a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the education system globally.
In this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers in the education sector is welcoming while others have an opposite opinion about it.
However
, this essay will examine both sides of an argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deducing a reasonable conclusion.

Introduction to computers can bring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ill effects to the students. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring a detrimental effect
physically
on their eyes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the student teacher relationship.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
universities offering pre-recorded video lectures
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
lectures. These arrangements cannot accommodate back and forth questions between teachers and students, leading to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
difficulty.

On the other hand
, laptops have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can happen. It provides powerful tools like Microsoft Excel and PowerPoint.
For example
, Microsoft Excel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to analyse" or "analyse".
analysing
the data
Consider replacing "in an efficient manner" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient manner
and PowerPoint
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to present" or "present".
presenting
in the form of graphs, bar charts, etc. Computers
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to store" or "store".
storing
the past information in the digital form and can
be extracted
whenever required, which eradicates the need to store in the notebooks. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trends are
increasingly
becoming popular in various schools.

In conclusion
, computers have redefined the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can
be inculcated
, and in the future, it will play an even more prominent role. In my opinion, the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon
rather
than it is becoming a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay 1654 Describe a picnic or meal that you ate outdoors. You should sayWhere you had this mealWho was with youWhat you ate and drankAnd explain why you enjoyed this picnic or outdoor meal. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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