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The table below show the data collected by a college bookshop for the month of February 1998. Summarise the indication by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The table below show the data collected by a college bookshop for the month of February 1998. Summarise the indication by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. v. 1
It is important to find out which subjects should a student opt for the tertiary education. Some people believe that they should choose science-related majors for higher studies in order to procure a lucrative job, while others opine there should be a complete freedom to choose subjects of their own interest. I completely agree with the former view as with this there will be a decrease in failure rates. On the one hand, there is no doubt scientific courses are quintessential for earning a job after the completion of university education. The reason for this is that most of the sectors these days are computer oriented and the demand for science graduates is increasing with every passing day. To illustrate, with the surge in digitalisation in India, there is a 40% proliferation in the science-related jobs in comparison than other areas. Therefore, these subjects are preferred as they provide a job assurance. On the other hand, providing liberty to the students to choose majors according to their interest can certainly lead to lower failure rates. This is because, grasping of the things of one’s own passion is generally easy, which leads to the detailed learning of the subject and provides the opportunity to achieve success in that particular field. To exemplify, Taylor Swift, a world famous music director and a singer, studied music as a major. Thus, in my opinion, people are more likely to succeed if they follow their interests. In conclusion, although science-based subjects are essential for earning a good job, in my perspective, the choice of subjects with respect to the interest and passion often leads to a successful career.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find out which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should a student opt for the tertiary education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should choose science-related majors for higher studies in order to procure a lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while others opine there should be
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "complete freedom".
a complete freedom
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view as with this there will be a decrease in failure rates.

On the one hand, there is no doubt scientific courses are quintessential for earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after the completion of university education.
The reason for this is
that most of the sectors these days are computer oriented and the demand for science graduates is increasing with every passing day. To illustrate, with the surge in
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalisation' is British English.
digitalisation
in India, there is a 40% proliferation in the science-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in comparison
than other areas.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are preferred
as they provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
assurance.

On the other hand
, providing liberty to the students to choose majors according to their interest can
certainly
lead to lower failure rates. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, grasping of the things of one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
passion is
generally
easy, which leads to the detailed learning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and provides the opportunity to achieve success in that particular field. To exemplify, Taylor Swift, a world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
music director and a singer, studied music as a major.
Thus
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to succeed if they follow their interests.

In conclusion
, although science-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are essential for earning a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, in my perspective, the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with respect to the interest and passion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to a successful career.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below show the data collected by a college bookshop for the month of February 1998. Summarise the indication by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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