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The first smartphone was invented in 1992. By the year 2023 there may be as many as 2. 5billions smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our intelligencebecause we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent d v.2

The first smartphone was invented in 1992. By the year 2023 there may be as many as 2. 5billions smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our intelligencebecause we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. 2
Nobody could deny that smartphones have revolutionized our lives, enabling us to access information and interact socially in a way which our grandparents’ generation would have considered unthinkable. The question of whether these devices have actually made us smarter or diminished our thinking skills is certainly worthy of debate. On balance, I would argue that their influence has been malign. Technophiles point to the fact that smartphones can offer us opportunities to be cleverer. They allow unprecedented access to a vast array of data from which we can learn, as well as giving us the chance to engage with individuals whose wisdom and thought-provoking ideas can stimulate us. Furthermore, users can take advantage of brain-training apps and programs which let them discover even the most obscure information by merely tapping a screen. However, I would contend that it is precisely this ease of access which should concern us. We no longer need to be able to do mental arithmetic, recall the name of the discoverer of penicillin or even remember our cousin’s birthday. Our brains are effectively becoming redundant and humans are rapidly losing basic cognitive functions and memory skills. This becomes obvious whenever you spot a person who has forgotten their electronic gadget and is incapable of calculating the shopping bill or planning and carrying out routine and basic tasks. We should all be alarmed that, as a species, we struggle to store, retain and retrieve valuable information without the aid of a piece of technology. It would be ridiculous to argue that the influence of smartphones has been entirely negative. Yet, to some extent, it is fair to describe them as insidious. I accept that smartphone technology is here to stay, but would urge manufacturers to re-design their products so that they complement intelligent thought rather than replacing it.
Nobody could deny that smartphones have revolutionized our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, enabling us to access

information and interact
socially
in a way which our grandparents’ generation would have

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
considered
unthinkable.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
these devices have actually made
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
us


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
smarter
or diminished our thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is
certainly
worthy of debate. On balance,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
I


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
would
argue that their influence has been malign.

Technophiles point to the fact that smartphones can offer us opportunities to be cleverer.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
unprecedented access to a vast array of data from which we can learn,
as well


as giving us the chance to engage with individuals whose wisdom and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ideas
can stimulate us.
Furthermore
, users can take advantage of brain-training apps and

programs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them discover even the most obscure information by
merely
tapping a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
screen
.

However
, I would contend that it is
precisely
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access which should concern us.

We no longer need to be able to do mental arithmetic, recall the name of the discoverer

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
penicillin or even remember our cousin’s birthday. Our brains are
effectively
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
becoming


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
redundant
and humans are
rapidly
losing basic cognitive functions and memory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This

becomes obvious whenever you spot a person who has forgotten their electronic gadget

and is incapable of calculating the shopping bill or planning and carrying out routine and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
basic
tasks. We should all
be alarmed
that, as a species, we struggle to store, retain
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
retrieve
valuable information without the aid of a piece of technology.

It would be ridiculous to argue that the influence of smartphones has been
entirely


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
negative
.
Yet
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
them as insidious. I accept
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


smartphone technology is here to stay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would urge manufacturers to re-design their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they complement intelligent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
rather
than replacing it.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay The first smartphone was invented in 1992. By the year 2023 there may be as many as 2. 5billions smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our intelligencebecause we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. 2

Essay
  American English
23 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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