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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v.6

This modern era most of the people try to present themselves younger than their actual age. There are many reasons behind this, which I intended to give in this essay. However, I see this as a good thing as it has many benefits which this essay shall discuss. To commence with, there are many reasons why people are doing so. The first and main reason is, people are trying to prove themselves as equal as teenagers in terms of strength and fitness. This is because in this advance technological era it is important to be practical with technology and important to be fit person, to ensure the competency in a work. Furthermore, they tend to live their golden young age era in order to to recall the memories and the loved ones. To offer my stance, I believe that it this thing is good, because there are couple of beneficial outcomes of doing so. Firstly, it ensures that physical fitness which is of utmost important. As fitness is essentiall for to be efficient in a work, they are proficient as younger ones. Secondly, they could made better coordination with perpetuation generation. As a collective result of this, it boosts nations economy, as to be a successful nation coordination between new generation in older ones is uttermost important. To sum up, the main reason is that the people try to prove themselves is efficient as younger person, and I think there are couple of benefits of this search as indirectly it beneficial to the nation.
This modern era most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to present themselves younger than their actual age. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this, which I intended to give in this essay.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits which this essay shall discuss.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The
first
and main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to prove themselves as equal as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in terms of strength and fitness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this advance technological era it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be practical with technology and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be fit
person, to ensure the competency in a work.
Furthermore
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their golden young age era in order to to recall the memories and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

To offer my stance, I believe that it this thing is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are couple of beneficial outcomes of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Firstly
, it ensures that physical fitness which is of utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As fitness is essentiall for to be efficient in a work, they are proficient as younger ones.
Secondly
, they could made better coordination with perpetuation generation. As a collective result of this, it boosts nations economy, as to be a successful nation coordination between new generation in older ones is uttermost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To sum up, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to prove themselves is efficient as younger person, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are couple of benefits of this search as
indirectly
it beneficial to the nation.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, people are tend to look more younger than their age, what is the reason behind this? This is positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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