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There are fewer and fewer employment opportunitues for graduates entering the job market and this will have serious implications for hight education. v.1

There are fewer and fewer employment opportunitues for graduates entering the job market and this will have serious implications for hight education. v. 1
Health, education and trade are considered a key for developing the underprivileged countries and it is the responsibility of government of richer nations to improve these three sections of nations that are poor. I partially agree with this statement and this essay will support my opinion. First and foremost, underdeveloped countries can seek help of developed nations have better economic conditions. As they can provide some financial help, resources for development, especially in case of technology that ultimately increase the education system. Even rich nations can install their projects in poor countries through which the employment can be generated. Hence, due to more employment opportunities economy of the country will grow. Moreover, some projects in relation to farming as well as sectors may show a positive impact on per capita income. On the other hand, even rich countries would not be able to develop a undeveloped nation until and unless the country themselves makes a effort to grow their gross domestic product. For instance, there is a country named Cuba, it was the time when all countries had started withdrawing the commercial as well as social relationships and began to protest against Cuba, the transfer of essential machinery and hybrid seeds were banned by other nations. But the people of Cuba did not give up, they started cultivating crops with traditional farming methods and developed their economy. To conclude, in some cases, it becomes necessary to take assistance from other nations. But, the country can also become self sufficient by modifying some procedures for doing different work.
Health, education and trade
are considered
a key for developing the underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and it is the responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these three sections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
that are poor. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay will support my opinion.

First
and foremost, underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have better economic conditions. As they can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, resources for development,
especially
in case of technology that
ultimately
increase the education system. Even rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can install their projects in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through which the employment can
be generated
.
Hence
, due to more employment opportunities economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will grow.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects in relation to farming
as well
as sectors may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on per capita income.

On the other hand
, even rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would not be able to develop
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
until and unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
effort to grow their gross domestic product.
For instance
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
named Cuba, it was the time when all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
withdrawing the commercial
as well
as social relationships and began to protest against Cuba, the transfer of essential machinery and hybrid seeds
were banned
by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Cuba did not give up, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
cultivating crops with traditional farming methods and developed their economy.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it becomes necessary to take assistance from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
also
become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
by modifying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
procedures for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay There are fewer and fewer employment opportunitues for graduates entering the job market and this will have serious implications for hight education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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