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PART 2: Describe an open-air or street market which you enjoyed visiting. You should say: where the market is, what the market sells, how big the market, and explain why you enjoyed visiting this market. v.1

PART 2: Describe an open-air or street market which you enjoyed visiting. You should say: where the market is, what the market sells, how big the market, and explain why you enjoyed visiting this market. v. 1
It is argued that voluntary services like charity, cleaning the neighbourhood, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, should be made mandatory in the curriculum. I strongly agree to this as it not only helps in students becoming socially responsible adults but also in shaping their character. The social services are important to the society as it helps to improve the interactions between the people. The services which are less industrious can be given to students, which they could complete with ease. This helps the society to find manpower to do such tasks and thereby reducing the financial burden they could have caused because of the higher labour costs. Deprived people can also get benefited from these because they can avail services like training in sports without paying money, which would help them to grow and get better lives. Schools should include these in the curriculum to force the students to be part of any such activities, even though this might seems unnecessary to the students and their parents. They get many benefits from these programmes such as experience in verities of works, improves their social awareness, helps to understand the needs of the time and find solutions for the same. These services can be made unpaid because the benefits outweigh the wages they could get from these tasks. In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citizen and also in their overall personality development. Therefore, pupils should be encouraged to involve themselves in such activities.
It
is argued
that voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like charity, cleaning the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, should
be made
mandatory in the curriculum. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
becoming
socially
responsible adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in shaping their character.

The social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the society as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the interactions between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
which are less industrious can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which they could complete with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the society to find manpower to do such tasks and thereby reducing the financial burden they could have caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the higher
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
costs. Deprived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefited from these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can avail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like training in sports without paying money, which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Schools should include these in the curriculum to force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be part of any such activities,
even though
this might seems unnecessary to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their parents. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
such as experience in verities of works,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their social awareness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to understand the needs of the time and find solutions for the same. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
can
be made
unpaid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the benefits outweigh the wages they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from these tasks.

In conclusion
, although compulsory voluntary community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
has its drawbacks, it is
still
useful in shaping a child as a
socially
responsible citizen and
also
in their
overall
personality development.
Therefore
, pupils should
be encouraged
to involve themselves in such activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay PART 2: Describe an open-air or street market which you enjoyed visiting. You should say: where the market is, what the market sells, how big the market, and explain why you enjoyed visiting this market. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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