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a/d. the extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v.1

a/d. the extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v. 1
People have a diverse opinion on arranging splendid parties during birthday, wedding, and other celebrations. Consequently, some would argue, that disbursing massive amounts on parties would undoubtedly be a waste of money, whereas others claim that is essential for both individuals and the community. In my opinion, I consider that spending lots on parties would directly or indirectly help to curb the unemployment rate and foster economic prosperity. On the one hand, some people think that spending vast amounts on parties is a waste of money when many are dying of hunger every day. They might feel that this money can be used wisely to help others. In other words, it is often seen that, nowadays, multitude become a role model by doing some philanthropic work with it. Again, they also think that this trend would obviously, accumulate a lot of waste and contribute to noise pollution for the reason that there is barely any splendid parties without a musical show and sound system. A recent article in Times of India, for instance, claimed that lavish parties contribute 40% of the total wastes. On the other hand, there are substantial grounds to prove the positive impacts of expensive parties on an individual as well as communities. First and foremost, these parties could curtail unemployment to a great extent. To elaborate, many of the luxurious functions demand different services such as catering event management and so on. This would, in turn, create employment opportunities. Furthermore, many such parties usually held in five-star hotels or resorts, and they demand expensive stuff such as clothes, jewelry, and so on. This would add revenue to the government in the form of tax, and thereby, it paves the way to economic prosperity. India, for example, adds up 20% of their income from luxury Levi alone. In conclusion, even though expensive get-togethers create pollution and waste money, I believe that those who can afford it can enjoy it for the reason that it directly or indirectly enhances the employment opportunities and economic prosperity. Thereby it helps not only the individual ut the society as well.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have a diverse opinion on arranging splendid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
during birthday, wedding, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
celebrations.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue, that disbursing massive amounts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
would
undoubtedly
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, whereas others claim
that is
essential for both individuals and the community. In my opinion, I consider that spending lots on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
would
directly
or
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to curb the unemployment rate and foster economic prosperity.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending vast amounts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are dying of hunger every day. They might feel that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, nowadays, multitude become a role model by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
philanthropic work with it. Again, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this trend would
obviously
, accumulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
and contribute to noise pollution for the reason that there is
barely
any splendid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
without a musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and sound system. A recent article in Times of India,
for instance
, claimed that lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
contribute 40% of the total wastes.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are substantial grounds to prove the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
on an individual
as well
as communities.
First
and foremost, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
could curtail unemployment to a great extent. To elaborate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the luxurious functions demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
services such as catering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
management and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This would, in turn, create employment opportunities.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
usually
held in five-star hotels or resorts, and they demand expensive stuff such as clothes, jewelry, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
revenue to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the form of tax, and thereby, it paves the way to economic prosperity. India,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up 20% of their income from luxury Levi alone.

In conclusion
,
even though
expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-togethers create pollution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I believe that those who can afford it can enjoy it for the reason that it
directly
or
indirectly
enhances the employment opportunities and economic prosperity. Thereby it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individual
Possible spelling mistake found.
ut
the society
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay a/d. the extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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