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There are different kinds of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard these days? v.1

Presently, music has a lot of distinct kinds. It gives relieve from stressful life. Traditional music is important because it helps us to know about our old culture and traditions. On the other hand, modern music is also important in order to relax in today's busy life. Traditional music is full of classic music poetry as well. In ancient times it was used for different purposes like, religious gatherings, marriage ceremonies, and lot more events. Today they are considered as an asset of country's glorious past. For example, during the Indo-Pak war of 1965 famous Pakistani singer begum Noor Jahan used to sing songs while standing in the war zone in order to pay gratitude to the soldiers of her motherland, and ultimately they crushed the enemy. Today her songs always remained listeners about that event In contrast, modern music is the combination of different voices and instruments which attract the younger generation the most. It is also one of the best way to show the relent of a country to the world. It also make us feel better after a busy routine of office or field work, which an important factor in today’s world, as it’s really hard for a white collar job person these days. For instance, according to a study contacted by various psychologists state that, when was person listen music after a busy day it will be less likely for him to be caught by diseases like depration, sugar and cancer In conclusion, both types of music are equally important due to there significant role at different circumstances. So, it is equally important that we should think for the betterment of the traditional and international music as well.
Presently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
distinct kinds. It gives relieve from stressful life. Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to know about our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
culture and traditions.
On the other hand
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in order to relax in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's busy life.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is full of classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
poetry
as well
. In ancient times it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes like, religious gatherings, marriage ceremonies, and lot more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
they
are considered
as an asset of country's glorious past.
For example
, during the Indo-Pak war of 1965
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Pakistani singer begum Noor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jahan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sing songs while standing in the war zone in order to pay gratitude to the soldiers of her motherland, and
ultimately
they crushed the enemy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
her songs always remained listeners about that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
event


In contrast
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the combination of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
voices and instruments which attract the younger generation the most. It is
also
one of the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
After ‘the’, do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of ‘relent’ is correct. If ‘relent’ is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the relent
of a country to the world. It
also
After ‘It’, use the third-person verb form “makes”.
make
us feel better after a busy routine of office or field work, which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, as it’s
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a white collar job person these days.
For instance
, according to a study contacted by various psychologists state that, when was person listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
after a busy day it will be less likely for him to
be caught
by diseases like
Possible spelling mistake found.
depration
, sugar and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
cancer


In conclusion
, both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
due to
Did you mean “their”?
there
significant role at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for the betterment of the traditional and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as well
.
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The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important or the international music that is heard everywhere now a days? 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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