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There are diferent kinds of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard these days? v.1

There are diferent kinds of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard these days? v. 1
Music has always played an important part in our lives. It has even shaped the way we look at the world and people around us. Every song we listen to triggers a certain kind of emotion. It may be the lyrics or the tune or the voice and the tone of the person singing it. Some people find their own identity through music. They write lyrics and albums to cater to a certain kind of feeling or phases in life. Lately, we have seen a shift. A lot of people give more preference to listening to music not native to their culture but from other cultures. In this essay, we will debate on why this is the case. Music has always had a lot of benefits. We hear music in some or the other form from the time we were born. A Mother puts her child to sleep by singing a lullaby. A kid is taught how to sing nursery rhymes in school. We also tend to learn things faster if we remember it as a song, and it has already been proven by studies that reading something with a melody helps boost memory. With so many songs coming out each day, there is always a song which caters to all kinds of audiences. There is music which can soothe us and put us to sleep, or a song which can motivate us to work harder in life. In short, Music is essential for living. Recently there has been a trend where we are swaying away from listening to our own songs, and listening to more international music. I think this has more to do with the quality. Today's traditional music has been commercialized to cater to a very casual audience. The lyrics of songs today do not have a lasting impact on someone. With all the interactions I have had with people, a lot of them remember songs which made them feel a certain way. Those were not songs which were made in our country but made internationally. This was the case mostly because it probably had a story behind how that song was really akin to them at a certain point in their life. There is also the fact that their tastes in the music has opened doors to find out more about the cultures and traditions in that country, which made them more open minded. In conclusion, I think listening to international music is important. In fact, I think it is more important because I feel the quality is a notch above what is produced traditionally today, coupled with the fact that it opens our minds to different culture and tradition. But that is not to say we ignore everything about our songs. There are certain diamonds in the rough which we might find and hold close to our hearts. Music connects people in really amazing ways and that is true, be it traditional or international.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has always played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It has even shaped the way we look at the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us. Every song we listen to triggers a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
kind of emotion. It may be the lyrics or the tune or the voice and the tone of the person singing it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They write lyrics and albums to cater to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
kind of feeling or phases in life. Lately, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a shift.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give more preference to listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
not native to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. In this essay, we will debate on why this is the case.

Music has always had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits. We hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or the other form from the time we
were born
. A Mother puts her child to sleep by singing a lullaby. A kid
is taught
how to sing nursery rhymes in school. We
also
tend to learn things faster if we remember it as a song, and it has already
been proven
by studies that reading something with a melody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
boost memory. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
songs coming out each day, there is always a song which caters to all kinds of audiences. There is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which can soothe us and put us to sleep, or a song which can motivate us to work harder in life. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is essential for living.

Recently there has been a trend where we are swaying away from listening to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
songs, and listening to more international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this has more to do with the quality.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
been commercialized
to cater to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
casual audience. The lyrics of songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
do not have a lasting impact on someone. With all the interactions I have had with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them remember songs which made them feel a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
way. Those were not songs which
were made
in our country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
made
internationally
. This was the case
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
probably
had a story behind how that song was
really
akin to them at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
point in their life. There is
also
the fact that their tastes in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has opened doors to find out more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions in that country, which made them more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
listening to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I feel the quality is a notch above what
is produced
traditionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, coupled with the fact that it opens our minds to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that is
not to say we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
everything about our songs. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
diamonds in the rough which we might find and hold close to our hearts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
really
amazing ways and
that is
true, be it traditional or international.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There are diferent kinds of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard these days? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
489 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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