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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.1

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 1
It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world. Music is a vital part of all human cultures for a range of reasons, and I would argue that traditional music is more important than modern, international music. Music is something that accompanies all of us throughout our lives. As children, we are taught songs by our parents and teachers as a means of learning language, or simply as a form of enjoyment. Children delight in singing with others, and it would appear that the act of singing in a group creates a connection between participants, regardless of their age. Later in life, people’s musical preferences develop, and we come to see our favourite songs as part of our life stories. Music both expresses and arouses emotions in a way that words alone cannot. In short, it is difficult to imagine life without it. In my opinion, traditional music should be valued over the international music that has become so popular. International pop music is often catchy and fun, but it is essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold by business people. Traditional music, by contrast, expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. Traditional styles, such as. . . (example). . . , connect us to the past and form part of our cultural identity. It would be a real pity if pop music became so predominant that these national styles disappeared. In conclusion, music is a necessary part of human existence, and I believe that traditional music should be given more importance than international music.
It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can
be found
around the world.
Music
is a vital
part
of all human cultures for a range of reasons, and I would argue that
traditional
music
is more
important
than modern,
international
music.

Music is something that accompanies all of us throughout our
lives
. As children, we
are taught
songs by our parents and teachers as a means of learning language, or
simply
as a form of enjoyment. Children delight in singing with others, and it would appear that the act of singing in a group creates a
connection between
participants, regardless of their age. Later in life,
people
’s musical preferences develop, and we
come
to
see
our
favourite
songs as
part
of our life stories.
Music
both expresses and arouses emotions in a way that words alone cannot. In short, it is difficult to imagine life without it.

In my opinion,
traditional
music
should
be valued
over the
international
music
that has become
so
popular.
International
pop
music
is
often
catchy and fun,
but
it is
essentially
a commercial product that
is marketed
and sold by business
people
.
Traditional
music
, by contrast, expresses the culture, customs and history of a country.
Traditional
styles, such as.
.
.
(example).
.
.
,
connect us to the past and form
part
of our cultural identity. It would be a real pity if pop
music
became
so
predominant that these national styles disappeared.

In conclusion
,
music
is a necessary
part
of human existence, and I believe that
traditional
music
should be
given
more importance than
international
music
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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