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There are many different type of music in the world today why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country is more important than the international music that is heard everywhere in the world. v.1

There are many different type of music in the world today why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country is more important than the international music that is heard everywhere in the world. v. 1
Music has become an inevitable part of people’s lives in the modern world. It helps to stimulate the brain and to experience the sense of happiness in a particular moment. In my opinion, traditional music has much more relevance than international music. The primary reason why music is required is because it relaxes the mind. Whenever a person encounters stressful situations, listening to music could really help him to calm down because music tends to deviate the stressful thoughts. For example, in exams when I felt anxious I used to listen to music for a few minutes to calm my senses in order to concentrate on study later on. Another possible reason why music is needed is because it is a major source of entertainment among youngsters. Young people love to listen to music in their leisure time and sometimes to perform dance movements on it as well. Relevance of local music is much more than international ones as this music is an identification of the particular country and region. Folk music represents the culture and traditional values even on global stage. A great example of it is Punjabi female folk dance, Gidha, which is popular throughout the world for marriage functions and it definitely provides a recognition of Punjabi culture everywhere. Apart from this, traditional music should be valued to avoid its extinction, especially when the younger generation like international music. otherwise, its existence would lose permanently. In conclusion, there are multiple reason to admit the requirement of music in the life of people and I personally think that traditional music has a great significance in the lives of people out of other genres.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has become an inevitable part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the modern world. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to stimulate the brain and to experience the sense of happiness in a particular moment. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has much more relevance than international music.

The primary reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is required
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it relaxes the mind. Whenever a person encounters stressful situations, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to calm down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
tends to deviate the stressful thoughts.
For example
, in exams when I felt anxious I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for a few minutes to calm my senses in order to concentrate on study later on. Another possible reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is needed
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a major source of entertainment among youngsters. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in their leisure time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to perform dance movements on it
as well
.

Relevance of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is much more than international ones as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an identification of the particular country and region. Folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
represents the culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values even on global stage. A great example of it is Punjabi female folk dance,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gidha
, which is popular throughout the world for marriage functions and it definitely provides a recognition of Punjabi culture everywhere. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be valued
to avoid its extinction,
especially
when the younger generation like international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
otherwise
, its existence would lose
permanently
.

In conclusion
, there are multiple reason to admit the requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a great significance in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of other genres.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay There are many different type of music in the world today why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country is more important than the international music that is heard everywhere in the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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