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The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. with this statement? v. 1
In various countries, the military is frequently in short of human resources, whereas many young people are not trained and do not have jobs. People argue that it is essential to compel young people to join the army. I think this idea really has good points. Military life is extremely hard, but thanks to it, the youth will become more mature and more skillful after their accomplishment. Some young people are used to being supported by their parents and society, so they don’t have motivation or responsibility for everything. That is the reason why they are unemployed and unskilled. With compulsory military service, young people can spend a lot of time practicing skills in various aspects such as combat, survival, study, etc. Besides, they have to obey commander’s orders and rules in every situation if they don’t want to be punished. Therefore, young people learn a lot of useful skills, self-discipline, self-control and team-work which are seriously evaluated by employers. For example, some organizations have priorities for employees who have participated in the army or done military service. On the other hand, young people can consider joining the army as a job and compulsory military service is an internship course. At any time, the army is always ready for any situation, so it demands a great number of people. Nowadays, the army engages in many aspects of society such as national security, economics and education. Soldiers not only protect their nations but also contribute to their country’s development. Viettel group of Vietnam is a good example. It has successfully invested in different fields and human resource from compulsory military service is an important and necessary supply. There are benefits for both organizations and employees. To sum up, the government should make the rules that young people must carry out the military service for a reasonable period of time to fulfill themselves.
In various countries, the military is
frequently
in short of human resources, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not trained and do not have jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
argue that it is essential to compel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
really
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points.

Military life is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to it, the youth will become more mature and more skillful after their accomplishment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
being supported
by their parents and society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have motivation or responsibility for everything.
That is
the reason why they
are unemployed
and unskilled. With compulsory military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time practicing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in various aspects such as combat, survival, study, etc.
Besides
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obey commander’s orders and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in every situation if they don’t want to
be punished
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, self-discipline, self-control and team-work which are
seriously
evaluated by employers.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations have priorities for employees who have participated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
or done military service.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can consider joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
as a job and compulsory military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is an internship course. At any time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
is always ready for any situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it demands a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
engages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of society such as national security, economics and education. Soldiers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
protect their nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contribute to their country’s development.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viettel
group of Vietnam is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. It has
successfully
invested in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields and human resource from compulsory military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and necessary supply. There are benefits for both organizations and employees.

To sum up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
carry out the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for a reasonable period of time to fulfill themselves.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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