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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Many people consider the amount of money that they can earn as the standard to choose a job, or widely to build a career. In my view, I agree that high salary is an important criterion to consider beside many other aspects, but it is not the most crucial. It is honest to say that one of the most important reasons why people have jobs is earning as much as possible. People earn money through jobs to gain financial independence in the end. With their own money, they can pay for whatever they want in the life such as a memorable tour, a delicious meal, fashionable costume, etc. Furthermore, they can prepare an early retirement without being concerned about financially depending on someone or the government. In addition, the salary earned equals a worker’s value at the company. The employers ought to pay a lot of money to keep excellent employees to work for them. Therefore, the more staff are paid, the more precious they are. On the other hand, there are many other aspects of a job apart from salary. As people always have a dream to pursue through their jobs, they can make their dreams come true and satisfy themselves. For example, many people dream of being artists or singers but only small percentage of them become celebrities and earn enough money to live comfortably. Also, some people want to contribute to the society rather than earning money. Take charity as an example. Volunteering to help other people, they aren’t paid much, sometimes they have to spend their own money. The most rewarding stuff they have is the joy of helping people with hard circumstances. To sum up, it is hard to choose the most important aspect of a job because it depends on people’s aims
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they can earn as the standard to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, or
widely
to build a career. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that high salary is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
criterion to consider beside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the most crucial.

It is honest to say that one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is earning as much as possible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to gain financial independence in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. With their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can pay for whatever they want in the life such as a memorable tour, a delicious meal, fashionable costume, etc.
Furthermore
, they can prepare an early retirement without
being concerned
about
financially
depending on someone or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
In addition
, the salary earned equals a worker’s value at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The employers ought to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
excellent employees to work for them.
Therefore
, the more staff
are paid
, the more precious they are.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
apart from salary. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always have a dream to pursue through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true and satisfy themselves.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dream of being artists or singers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of them become celebrities and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to contribute to the society
rather
than earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Take charity as an example. Volunteering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they aren’t paid much,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The most rewarding stuff they have is the joy of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
circumstances.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to choose the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
aims
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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