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The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view? v. 1
Lifestyle of the people has been changed so as the shopping style also. There are buildings dedicated to shopping only. They are so luring that it is hard to resist to check the things out. And young generation is becoming more and more curious to try and have each and every thing. Hence, I agree that younger generations are spending their leisure time in shopping centres which this could have a negative influence on them and society. There were days when outdoor activity being counted as leisure games. For example, whenever I used to play the cricket with my siblings, or cycling with friends or etc. In my leisure time which I still prefer to enjoy this way only. There are advantages of this, like, using the brain for applying strategy to win, building team and learning win or loss. More importantly, it leads to a good physical growth of brain and body. However on the other side, Today's teenagers are utilising their time at the shopping centre and get fantasized about fast foods and buying unnecessary stuffs. This leads to obesity and social distancing. They are not able to show up their any physical talent which they might have, also their body is becoming sensitive due to less outdoor exposure. Lack of gelling up and understanding the body language is also a con. Concentrating on short term goals like shopping rather than investing time in a fun, logical and in sport is not a fruitful decision. I would like to conclude that young people are the pillar of any society and full of talent, they should channelise the energy and time in the right direction which will be useful for them and society also. One single popular name can change the whole picture of any society. So, One should focus on achieving something big while enjoying that activity.
Lifestyle of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
style
also
. There are buildings dedicated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
luring that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to resist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the things out. And young generation is becoming more and more curious to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
have each and every thing.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that younger generations are spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
which this could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on them and society.

There were days when outdoor activity
being counted
as leisure games.
For example
, whenever I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play the cricket with my siblings, or cycling with friends or etc. In my leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which I
still
prefer to enjoy this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. There are advantages of this, like, using the brain for applying strategy to win, building team and learning win or loss. More
importantly
, it leads to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical growth of brain and body.

However
on the other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fantasized about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods and buying unnecessary stuffs. This leads to obesity and social distancing. They are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up their any physical talent which they might have,
also
their body is becoming sensitive due to less outdoor exposure. Lack of gelling up and understanding the body language is
also
a con.

Concentrating on short term goals like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rather
than investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a fun, logical and in sport is not a fruitful decision. I would like
to conclude
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are the pillar of any society and full of talent, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'channelise' is British English.
channelise
the energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the right direction which will be useful for them and society
also
. One single popular name can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the whole picture of any society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, One should focus on achieving something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
while enjoying that activity.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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