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Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. What causes obesity and how can it be solved? v.2

People are trying to upgrade the living standard along their life. They forget to follow the basic healthy habits and it leads to begin the gaining over weight. In my opinion, this is the basic obvious health problem and need to be cared in daily routine. Firstly, health is the most important issues for the human beings. Without having the healthy living style, everybody will not take their business conveniently and successfully even though they are working hard all time. In today business world, human carry out their daily business for a long time. This becomes the majority of causing unhealthy for them such as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases. Moreover, people in the developed countries are more emphasized on work than others. They sit and work the whole day with the computer and take the much junk food for time saving. Consequently, they begin to be fatter and may not resist for the external health issues such as back pain, obesity. On the other hand, people need to work hard because of increasing the population, and becoming the globalization. To overcome and release this health problem, the best way is the taking the regular physical exercise and having the diet foods. Taking exercise such as walking, running and physical exercise is the fittest economy activity for healthy. Everybody should take it about 15 munities for a day especially in the morning. They may get the fresh air that provides the well-operation of blood cycle. Trying the physical exercise may provide to lose the weight gradually if it is taken regularly. Another way for healthy life is to have the diet food. Even though they are not able to take it, they may have the vegetables and fruits more than. The last way of preserving the health is travelling and hiking in the holiday in order to relax and obtain the fresh. To sum up, the health problem such as obesity is the important health problem. The individuals always need to take care by themselves and follow the healthy habits in their daily routine.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are trying to upgrade the living standard along their life. They forget to follow the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
habits and
it leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
the gaining over weight. In my opinion, this is the basic obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and need to
be cared
in daily routine.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues for the human beings. Without having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living style, everybody will not take their business
conveniently
and
successfully
even though
they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
all time. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
business world, human carry out their daily business for a long time. This becomes the majority of causing unhealthy for them such as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are more emphasized on work than others. They sit and work the whole day with the computer and take the much junk food for time saving.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to be fatter and may not resist for the external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as back pain, obesity.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing the population, and becoming the globalization.

To overcome and release this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the best way is the taking the regular physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and having the diet foods. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
such as walking, running and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the fittest economy activity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Everybody should take it about 15
Possible spelling mistake found.
munities
for a day
especially
in the morning. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the fresh air that provides the well-operation of blood cycle. Trying the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
may provide to lose the weight
gradually
if it
is taken
regularly
. Another way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life is to have the diet food.
Even though
they are not able to take it, they may have the vegetables and fruits more than. The last way of preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is travelling and hiking in the holiday in order to relax and obtain the fresh.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as obesity is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The individuals always need to take care by themselves and follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits in their daily routine.
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IELTS essay Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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