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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.58

: The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view? v. 58
In my opinion, I do agree that today's young generation are spending their free time in shopping centres. In this essay, I will discuss about the positive and negative influence on the youth and all over the society. Although they earn sufficiently, it could be a waste of age and money. For instance, if there is a need for particular want, then this would be well and good. Moreover kids are being influenced by the people who do spend their leisure turn uselessly. On the whole, it creates a negative impact in the society. Overcrowding is a major drawback in malls. Similarly, there are lots of advantages when it comes to shopping centres. As far as leisure pace is concerned, it should be productive. Youngsters of today's generation tend to have a meet up with their friends, which is the first and foremost thing to do on weekends. Probably, shopping centres could be a great choice. With regard to this, it is important for people who go to work to get out of the house for a while and do something entertaining. It is clearly understood that shopping malls can provide the best shopping experiences such as social gatherings, product launches and so on. People are likely to have less time during weekdays when compared to weekends. To conclude, Adolescents of today's world are spending most of their spare time in malls. In the same way it will also lead to a misguidance for the upcoming generation. Therefore, it should be used wisely and usefully.
In my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's young generation are spending their free time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. In this essay, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the youth and all over the society.

Although they earn
sufficiently
, it could be a waste of age and money.
For instance
, if there is a need for particular want, then this would be well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
kids are
being influenced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do spend their leisure turn
uselessly
.
On the whole
, it creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in the society. Overcrowding is a major drawback in malls.

Similarly
, there are lots of advantages when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. As far as leisure pace
is concerned
, it should be productive. Youngsters of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation tend to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with their friends, which is the
first
and foremost thing to do on weekends.
Probably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
could be a great choice. With regard to this, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who go to work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for a while and do something entertaining. It is
clearly
understood that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls can provide the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
experiences such as social gatherings, product launches and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are likely to have less time during weekdays when compared
Did you mean "too"?
to
weekends.

To conclude
, Adolescents of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world are spending most of their spare time in malls.
In the same way
it will
also
lead to a misguidance for the upcoming generation.
Therefore
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
and
usefully
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay : The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view? v. 58

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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