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The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view? v. 3
Do we really aware about the importance of the young and how they are spending their hours in shopping centres today in our lives? In fact, It considers being one of the most significant issues that had a huge impact and played a big role in shaping life around us recently. The following lines will discuss that clearly and my own point of view. There is a tendency to believe that, when dealing with such a matter we have first to define all reasons and facts which is connected to it. Understandably, the essential reasons are some students study in the coffee of somewhere they filled confidentially. Also they going shopping centres in free day can be affective work and that can decrease in the intellectual level because people like a shopping and that can be changed a psychological effect, I believe that very important for the society. Actually, a numerous and rationalize, reason demonstrates this subject. To be more precise, many researchers had ensured on the effect on this subject. A good example of that can be seen in society the young between 18 to 28 spending too much time in shopping centres because they are at the age adolescence or they are needed advices from their parents. Naturally, young woman they every day see the product which is sold, losing their money on shoes or clothes or whatever they liked. Certainly, we can't deny the essential effect of it on our community and how it occupies great part of our life. As far as I am concerned, young it has a huge impact in society, they should thinking were spending at many and how spending in a life. Admittedly, a young woman also lose their money in restaurants and coffee this life and the men. So they should think. To sum up all what has been written, taking everything into consideration negative influence on the young today spend a money in shopping centres.
Do we
really
aware about the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and how they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
their hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
? In fact, It considers being one of the most significant issues that had a huge impact and played a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in shaping life around us recently. The following lines will discuss that
clearly
and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view.

There is a tendency to believe that, when dealing with such a matter we have
first
to define all reasons and facts which
is connected
to it.
Understandably
, the essential reasons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students study in the coffee of somewhere they filled
confidentially
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
Did you mean "they're going", "they are going", or "they were going"?
they going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in free day can be affective work and that can decrease in the intellectual level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a psychological effect, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the society. Actually, a numerous and rationalize, reason demonstrates this subject.

To be more precise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers had ensured on the effect on this subject. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in society the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 18 and 28".
between 18 to 28
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
too much time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are at the age
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adolescence or
they
are needed
advices from their parents.
Naturally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
woman they every day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the product which
is sold
, losing their money on shoes or clothes or whatever they liked.
Certainly
, we can't deny the essential effect of it on our community and how it occupies great part of our life.

As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
it has a huge impact in society, they should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "think"
thinking
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in a life.
Admittedly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
woman
also
lose their money in restaurants and coffee this life and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

To sum up all what has
been written
, taking everything into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
spend
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "money".
a money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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