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The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. v.6

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. v. 6
Today’s world faces an immense explosion of population. In most countries, the population has been increased alarmingly. Increased population is a serious problem not only in poor or developing countries but also in developed countries. Our resources are limited. So overpopulation can cause problems like starvation, unemployment, etc. In poor countries where the economy is not strong enough to feed all the people, overpopulation causes starvation. More land is required to provide accommodation to the people. Thus the land available for farming is used for accommodation purpose. Generally, in poor countries, technological development is less. Due to less land available for farming, starvation comes often in this type of countries. The government is not capable enough that can provide a quality education to all the children. Thus it leads to unemployment. In developing and rich countries where most of the cities have become crowded, the government faces a great challenge of providing good public services. Health services have become very poor, especially in developing countries due to overpopulation. Water, electricity and other resources are limited available. The crime rate is increasing due to unemployment. Land available in big cities is very expensive. Common or middle-class people are not capable of buying houses. There can be two possible solutions for the problem of overpopulation. The government must provide education to the people to limit the size of the family. Women, who are pregnant and do not want to give birth, should be allowed to have an abortion. The government can form some revolutionary rule like ‘one child’ policy. People having more than one child should be punished by not providing public services. As a conclusion, I will say overpopulation is a serious issue and must need great attention to overcome.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world faces an immense explosion of population. In most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the population has
been increased
alarmingly
. Increased population is a serious problem not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Our resources
are limited
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
can cause problems like starvation, unemployment, etc.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the economy is not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to feed all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
causes starvation. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
is required
to provide accommodation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
for farming is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for accommodation purpose.
Generally
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, technological development is less. Due to less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
for farming, starvation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
in this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that can provide a quality education to all the children.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it leads to unemployment.

In developing and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where most of the cities have become crowded, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
faces a great challenge of providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
public services. Health services have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
,
especially
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
. Water, electricity and other resources
are limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
. The crime rate is increasing due to unemployment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive. Common or middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not capable of buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

There can be two possible solutions for the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide education to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to limit the size of the family. Women, who are pregnant and do not want to give birth, should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have an abortion. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
like ‘one child’ policy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
having more than one child should
be punished
by not providing public services.

As a conclusion, I will say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
is a serious issue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
need great attention to overcome.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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