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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v.30

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 30
There have been lots of debates about animal rights in different societies over last decade and sometimes we watch or hear from media that a group of people are protesting in each corner of the world to protect animal rights. However, this group believes that animals should not be  endangered by humans, while some others point that human needs are more important and people should be allowed to use animals for their different purposes. Therefore, this essay has tried to cover both of mentioned views and would suggest a good way to solve the issue. According to most of the history documents, the human has employed animals to have a better life from the time that civilisation has come to existence. In fact, the skin of animals has been considered as the first material for clothing industry and human has used the meat of them as a delicious food. These days, people spend money for these purposes and in addition scientists conduct most of their biology experiments on animals to find cures for illnesses. Some people worry about the mentioned trend as many animals’ species have been extinct because of exploiting them by the human. Actually, they believe that the God has created animals to live and human shouldn’t kill them or destroys their life places for his needs. So, if no step is taken for this situation, our planet has no place for animals and we just can see animals in zoos which will be another way of employing animals by the human. By contrast, some other argues that the God has created animals for human better life and it is inevitable that people use animals for their targets. In other words, it is such a life law that always the stronger kill the weaker for continuing the life and in the forest, wild animals kill other for food as human do it for his purposes. Therefore, human should exploit animals for food, clothes and to develop the science and no other way can be taken. I think, therefore, this occasion is such a sophisticated issue and both of views are concerning one aspect of human and animal rights. But perhaps, the realistic solution is balancing human behaviour about animals. Put another way, human should try to replace other ways instead of exploiting animals, however; it is not possible to eliminate the role of employing animals in human life.
There have been lots of debates about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
societies over last decade and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or hear from media that a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are protesting in each corner of the world to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights.
However
, this group believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not be
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
endangered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes.
Therefore
, this essay has tried to cover both of mentioned views and would suggest a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to solve the issue.

According to most of the history documents, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
has employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from the time that
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to existence. In fact, the skin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has
been considered
as the
first
material for clothing industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the meat of them as a delicious food. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend money for these purposes and
in addition
scientists conduct most of their biology experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to find cures for illnesses.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worry about the mentioned trend as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
species have been extinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of exploiting them by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. Actually, they believe that the God has created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
shouldn’t kill them or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
places for his needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if no step
is taken
for this situation, our planet has no place for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animals and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos which will be another way of employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by the human.

By contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
argues that the God has created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their targets. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
law that always the stronger kill the weaker for continuing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and in the forest, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for food as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
do it for his purposes.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
should exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food, clothes and to develop the science and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way can
be taken
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
therefore
, this occasion is such a sophisticated issue and both of views
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are concerning
one aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
perhaps, the realistic solution is balancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Put another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
should try to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways
instead
of exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
however
; it is not possible to eliminate the role of employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 30

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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