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The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights? Do you think flights should be taxed more? Give v.1

The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights? Do you think flights should be taxed more? Give v. 1
In is a clear fact that, with rise of Information technology in the 21th century there is huge demand for technical education. Some people believe that, young adults should only focus on technical subjects to improve their employment chances. I do not agree to this argument, and in this essay, I will put forth my views with suitable examples Firstly, it's a wrong notion that, art students do not get well paid jobs. In fact, in many Scandinavian countries philosophy and history graduates are paid handsomely. Moreover, in Silicon Valley, companies are now hiring arts graduates to get a different perspective to their design problems. For instance, technology giants like Google are moving away from their policy of hiring only from premier engineering institutes and currently 20% of their current employees do not have an engineering or management degrees. Secondly, subjects like philosophy and history are very important, because they help us understand the cultural and social evolution of mankind. For example, the Right brother developed the first aeroplane by taking inspiration from the designs of Da Vinci. As much as, looking into our future, there is lots for us to learn from our past, and subjects like philosophy and history helps us do that. To conclude, I think, graduates should not pursue a technical education just because it improves their chances of getting a job. If their interest lies in art subject, they should definitely pursue it during their university education, Since I there are enough job opportunities for them in the market.
In is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
fact that, with rise of Information technology in the
Please check the suffix, if this is an ordinal number.
21th
century there is huge demand for technical education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, young adults should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their employment chances. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this argument, and in this essay, I will put forth my views with suitable
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
examples


Firstly
, it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
notion that, art students do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well paid jobs. In fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Scandinavian countries philosophy and history graduates
are paid
handsomely
.
Moreover
, in Silicon Valley,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
hiring arts graduates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective to their design problems.
For instance
, technology giants like Google are moving away from their policy of hiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from premier engineering institutes and
currently
20% of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employees do not have an engineering or management degrees.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like philosophy and history are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us understand the cultural and social evolution of mankind.
For example
, the Right brother developed the
first
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
by taking inspiration from the designs of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Vinci. As much as, looking into our future, there is lots for us to learn from our past, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like philosophy and history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us do that.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, graduates should not pursue a technical education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their chances of getting a job. If their interest lies in art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they should definitely pursue it during their university education, Since I there
Did you mean "am" or "ate"?
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
job opportunities for them in the market.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights? Do you think flights should be taxed more? Give v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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