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Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child’s development. However, some people suppose that other factors (such as music, friends, …) have a great influence on children. ” Discuss both views and give your opinions. v.1

Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child’s development. However, some people suppose that other factors (such as music, friends, …) have a great influence on children. ” v. 1
Shopping is one of the most significant activities for people, especially during leisure time for relaxation. Therefore, these days, markets are opening from sunshine to sunsets and whole seven days in a week. I think, it brings a plenty of positive development for the owners, staffs, buyers and the society. To commence with, there are various supermarkets that can open about 24 hours in the weeks in different countries for several purposes. Firstly, in this modern era, citizens are busy and they have to work according to their duty schedules. For instance, in the nursing profession, nurse's work approximately 24 hours a day as work routines also changed every week. Hence, when shops have extended opening hours, they can easily do shopping any pace of the weeks. Furthermore, when stores run a longer duration, employees will be benefited because a number of persons might get employment opportunities. In addition, owners of the department can earn an ample of money, when their business raises effectively. Then, this money circulates gradually within the country. Moreover, if individual income is growing, they need to pay taxes to the government. So, taxes become the main sources of development of the nation. Apart from that, 24 hours opening markets provide a security to local people, especially walkers who will arrive home late due to their office located far away from the house. In conclusion, the way of the enlarging second of the markets run assists public to get jobs and security while walking. Therefore, it is directly related to the advancement of the society.
Shopping is one of the most significant activities for
people
,
especially
during leisure time for relaxation.
Therefore
, these days, markets are opening from sunshine to sunsets and whole seven days in a week. I
think
, it brings a
plenty
of
positive
development for the owners, staffs, buyers and the society.

To commence with, there are various supermarkets that can open about 24
hours
in the weeks in
different
countries for several purposes.
Firstly
, in this modern era, citizens are
busy and
they
have to
work according to their duty schedules.
For instance
, in the nursing profession, nurse's work approximately 24
hours
a day as work routines
also
changed
every week.
Hence
, when shops have extended opening
hours
, they can
easily
do shopping
any pace of the weeks.

Furthermore
, when stores run a longer duration, employees will
be benefited
because
a number of persons might
get
employment opportunities.
In addition
, owners of the department can earn
an ample of
money, when their business raises
effectively
. Then, this money circulates
gradually
within the country.
Moreover
, if individual income is growing, they need to pay taxes to the
government
.
So
, taxes become the main sources of development of the nation. Apart from that, 24
hours
opening markets provide a security to local
people
,
especially
walkers who will arrive home late due to their office located far away from the
house
.

In conclusion
, the way of the enlarging second of the markets run assists public to
get
jobs and security while walking.
Therefore
, it is
directly
related to the advancement of the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child’s development. However, some people suppose that other factors (such as music, friends, …) have a great influence on children. ” v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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