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The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v.1

The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v. 1
It is not doubt that the trend of a famous person has become very popular at present. Individuals follow either watching the television or reading books. There is a plethora of causes of doing this phenomenon. It is an evil for developing the nations. Therefore, I will discuss the reasons in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are many factors about this occurs. Firstly, if a person belongs to a poor family. He or she looks the person outside who is very wealthy like sports human, singers, actors and many more, then he or she demand to their parents for buying anything which he or she looks the things in the market such as luxury items. As a result, their parents can not able to purchase these things. Hence, this is the major issues for the people. Moving forward, as we know very well, because actors and others layman become renowned due to technology. Technology has made many software which they tend to make the either films or video's. With this they effect on these things for the better which people like watching. They take many stunts in these films and videos. It influences on an individual's life. They show this and try to take this which have taken by the professionals. Sometimes, people lost their alive, which is very important for the human. On the flip side, some argue that it is good for the developing countries. First and foremost step is that, famous. To illustrate, when people mimic their favourite celebrity, they are able to learn many qualities, which is very beneficial for future life. Such as they can able to earn money for their fulfilling needs. Therefore these types of people love watching the shows throughout the television or reading books. To conclude, I would say that every coin has two aspects. So that it has either positives or negative impacts. I believe that it has many bad in the growing country.
It is not doubt that the trend of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular at present. Individuals follow either watching the television or reading books. There is a plethora of causes of doing this phenomenon. It is an evil for developing the nations.
Therefore
, I will discuss the reasons in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors about this occurs.
Firstly
, if a person belongs to a poor family. He or she looks the person outside who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wealthy like sports human, singers, actors and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, then he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "demands", "demanded".
demand
to their parents for buying anything which he or she looks the things in the market such as luxury items.
As a result
, their parents can not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these things.
Hence
, this is the major issues for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Moving forward, as we know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
actors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
layman become renowned due to technology. Technology has made
Possible agreement error. The noun software seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much software", "a good deal of software".
many software
which they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the either films or video's. With this they effect on these things for the better which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like watching. They take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stunts in these films and videos. It influences on an individual's life. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
this and try to take this which have taken by the professionals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost their alive, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the human.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
First
and foremost step is that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. To illustrate, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mimic their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrity, they are able to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
qualities, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for future life. Such as they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
earn money for their fulfilling needs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
throughout the television or reading books.

To conclude
, I would say that every coin has two aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that it has either positives or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. I believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in the growing country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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